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Cyber Sunday – The Rant By Paps

October 27, 2008   ·   0 Comments

Cyber Sunday – The Rant!!


-No Technicalities
-No play-by-play
-No fricken Clue!
(and I promise not ONE mention of Lance Cade.. other than that one…)



Hailing from the US Airways Centre in Phoenix, Arizona, Cyber Sunday comes to us after much hype and a lot of American TEXT voting.. maybe. I was actually looking forward to a couple of the matches on the card but I wasn’t particularly bothered about most of them, or the Diva costume rubbish they isnsited on having… again!


So, we open with a great opening montage of the superstars.. whoops my bad.. Entertainers, such as Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Koslov (Who’s ‘Big Fricken Deal!’ Line was definatly priceless! Haha), Kane, Cryme Tyme, Matt Hardy, CMPunk, Chris Jericho to name but a few, all asking us if we voted.


First match of the night was Kane vs Rey Mysterio, stipulations being, No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere and 2 Out Of 3 Falls. It was pretty plain which was going to win; No Holds Barred with 39% of the TEXT votes. It wasn’t as tragic as I expected, me being a Kane fan I just want this pain and torment to END and get him a new and preferably taller opponent, but it was decent for an opening match and of course the crowd were popping for Rey the whole time. Mysterio picked up the win (I would insert a ‘rolling eyes’ icon right here if I had one!!!!!) with a 619 and a West Coast Pop for the pin.


Divas backstage showing off their costumes. Katie Lea’s Vampire looked pertty cool!


Backstage again Chris Jericho is asking Priceless to do to Batista what they did to CM Punk, Priceless however, inform him they are way too busy. (Cody has his cymbals to polish…)


Todd introduces Teddy, who in turn introduces the ECW Champion Matt Hardy!(Will I ever get tired of hearing that announced? Probably not!) The possible opponents for this match are Evan Bourne, Finlay or Mark Henry. Bourne wins with 69%.. SIXTY NINE PERCENT? Jees how many under ten’s have cell phones in America??! Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, Im not bitching.. for a change! Henry only got 6% that much I can believe and I suppose when you considder the other option was Finlay… yeah ok maybe 69% wasn’t that much of a stretch after all! Of course if you’re on Matt’s Myspace list then you’ll know he already asked for this match himself! It was nice to see Evan ‘Air’ Bourne grounded slightly for some of this match, but not too much so it was slow. (And I just realised how much crap Matt Striker can talk at ringside.. he’s a perfect announcer!) This was a good match, not great and not match of the night but still entertaining although the crowd weren’t as into it as they could have been, it’s always the same with a face vs face match even if you are Matt Hardy! According to Striker, Evan Bourne is “… ‘5’6″ in high heels and can still dunk a basket ball!”
 I couldn’t put my finger on what was slightly off with this match, all I can think of was it either was meant to look like the vet vs the rookie or.. it came across that way because that’s actually what it was?! Either way, I liked it. I didn’t mark off my seat over it but it was good. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a BAD Matt Hardy match!
Two side effects both resulted in near falls and then Bourne started to fight back, enough to get me slightly concerned that this is what they’d do just to shock everyone!(or of course to personally pis$ me off because that’s what Vince lives for…*ahem*)  I was glad when it was over and Hardy’s hand was raised.. it was a case of ‘They wouldn’t dare give him the belt… but then again…’ Matt Hardy wins with a Twist Of Fate! ALL HAIL THE HARDY GOD… we may need it later! I still think he should have won it easier.. he’s Matt Hardy for fricks sake!!!


WrestleMania 25th anniversary tickets are going on sale and the count down is on! Someone get me one… and a plane ticket.. and a hotel room…


Apparently they will let us vote on wwe.com for the divas outfits. Oh bless them they’re throwing us scraps doesn’t it warm yer heart!?


The tag match turned out to be Cryme Tyme vs The Miz & Morrison. Right. Please just skip this next paragraph I need a moment to myself!
 WHAT?! I like these two tag teams but COME ON!!!! The guy they use to flag this pay per view isn’t even ON IT??!! WHAT!??  I can’t even blame the ‘fans’ for the fact that Punk been overlooked on this pay per view because I truely believe that even if Id flown to America and bought a mobile phone with a thousand dollars top up and done nothing but text my fat ar$e off for the past 3 weeks for Punk… he still wouldn’t have been on the card! If I say BULL you say……….
Im in such a bad mood that, even though Im quite the fan of The Miz and Morrison (and yes I DID say that out loud!) I really don’t care who wins and what sort of a match it is because Im in a good old British Strop! And there’s none worse than a British one just go and pis$ Katie Lea off and you’ll find out!
Miz & Morrison win but I don’t know how and I dont care…. IM STROPPING!


Backstage that sneaky weak feeble coniving horrible champion Jericho is now asking Khali to have his back, Khali politely says no.. or something. And Dick Dastardly still doesn’t have a partner in crime..what? He has no friends now since they fired that useless dead weight La..OK I swore I wouldn’t go there…


A Cena video package is shown and saying he’s returning at Survivor Series, it can’t come soon enough for me. I miss John Cena! And I said that out loud too! Him and Edge are a huge miss to the WWE right now!


Santino Marella with Beth Phoenix and her useless Women’s Championship.. well come on it hasn’t done her any good has it? Santino unleashes the Honk-A-Meter and it tells us that he has one week and one year to catch up to the Honky Tonk Man!
Possible opponents are Honky Tonk Man, Rowdy Roddy Piper and Goldust and my 2 year old daughter took one look at old Dusty and legged it behind the couch terrified! Honky Tonk Man wins with just one percent (35% to Piper’s 34% and Goldy’s 31% – there wasn’t much in it, so because I don’t believe the voting counts then I guess they had to make them close to avoid a legends brawl backstage huh?!)
Now is it just me or do I recall this guy, Honk, blogging a lot a few years ago? and is it just me or in these said blogs did he have ONE nice word to say about Vince McMahon or the WWE? Maybe it is just me or maybe it just shows that the offer of 5 more minutes and pay cheque can make any fat old Elvis impersonator ‘lower’ himself for the benefit of the masses… or the bank manager! The match isn’t underway very long when Beth Phoenix grabs Honky Bank Man’s leg causing Santino to get disqualified! Mr Marella is mortified and yells at Beth calling her a stoopid woman.. come on she can take him she’s already done it! As they walk away out comes Goldust (And behind the couch my daughter goes again… hey there’s a new way to keep her quiet!) and Roddy Piper and Santino is stuck between them and Honky Bank Man. He, of course gets beaten up by them all and then Honky skids on Goldust’s wig.. oooh I bet there’s words backstage after he looks like that much of an idiot!


Raw blows it’s 800 episode trumpet.. because apparently when it WAS the 800th episode.. they forgot… or something.


More Divas.. haven’t they ran out yet? I didn’t realise there were so many women being paid for no reason.. there’s a credit crunch on ya know? Oh hang on I think I was mistaking all the blonde ones for Kelly Kelly! Victoria out does them all again anyways in her banana costume! GO VICKY! I wish I could make yellow look THAT good!


Big Show vs Undertaker holds no interest for me at all. It seems, on paper to be just another ‘big man’ match and I really just wish I could fast forward.. but my son would throw one of those ‘British strops’ and Im not going there..


Knock Out Match – 9%
I Quit Match – 42%
Last Man Standing Match – 49%


Vicky Guerrero is out and announces that it will be an I Quit match and then corrects herself with much professionalism – she is getting so damn good at this job! My hat is off to this woman! (And Im not being sarcastic!) Before you slag her off next just ask yourself, could you do what she does? I sure as $hit coudln’t!
It’s times like these I BEG for the WWE to prove me wrong, hell Im wrong on daily basis; Im used to it so when the WWE do it Im happy! The match isn’t as BAD or as dire as I thought it was going to be. It’s not a slow, lumbering bore fest that we sometimes…oh hang on that’s a BATISTA Match!! How dumb of me.
Anyway… before my ADD kicks in, the match is quite entertaining. The announce table gets completely decimated when Big Show choke slams Undertaker through it and another good spot was when Undertaker went ‘Old School’ and jumped off the rope straight into another Big Show Choke Slam! After being choke slammed, whacked with chairs, put through announce tables, punched in the head and the like, Undertaker still gets to his feet after choking out Big Show, on the count of 9 and three quarters & JR has a coniption fit! The Dead Man still rules the roost.. but does he still hold the court? I wonder…


Backstage Dick Dastardly 2J is telling Mike Adamle how unfair it is for him to have this special guest ref stipulation in his match and that if he doesn’t withdraw it then he and Jericho are going to have major problems in the future… and Adamle doesn’t want that! Mike on the other hand says he’s not spineless and the stipulation still stands! I wanted him to say ‘Im not scared of you!” and poke his tongue out! DD2J storms out… but he can’t strop like a Brit I’ll have to give him lessons!


The Divas come to the ring HURRAAAHHH! I have been waiting ALL NIGHT for this segment and I got SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! Couldn’t wait to use my new remote control and hit fast forward…
Hey if Vicky’s banana aint winning I don’t wanna know!


I was convinced that they were going to have a triple threat for the WWE title whether it was voted for or not. I was SO Convinced infact that it was already set in stone that Id have bet one of my small children on it being the outcome… thankfully I didn’t and my kids are all safely tucked up in bed!
Jeff Hardy wins the fans votes with 59% of ‘us’… I mean ‘You American’s’ voting for him against just 5% of Koslovians voting for the big Russian and 38% voting for a triple threat. I guess Smirnoff isn’t getting a pay day for Cyber Sunday this year (and I doubt he’ll be employed by this time next year.. of course it will be after his first, second and third title reign..) I was hoping Hunter was in a ‘giving’ mood.. Christmas come early.. Steph giving him a massage before the last creative meeting… the kids sleeping all through the night the night before he had a Cyber Sunday meeting with Vince…  I want Jeff to get that title. I wasn’t bothered.. until I was sitting there watching him walk down that aisle and then all of a sudden I WANTED him to get that belt and I wanted it TONIGHT! Even though my head was telling me not to be so damned stupid, I still had hope in my heart…. I floated off to Paps-Land, join me if you will. (Cue harps & violins!) A land where Jeff is WWE Champion, Matt is ECW Champion and Shawn Michaels is having that one last Heavyweight run….
ANY way..
(Quick slightly off topic note.. did anyone else think Triple H’s promo on Smackdown last Friday was just… not good at all? Aside from Vicki Guerrero grazing on Twinkies! It was so off and like he was desperatly trying to get laughs that just weren’t there!)
After much marking, yelling, screaming, scaring my children & making my other half sigh and roll his eyes more times than during the last season of Lost, did the boyhood dream come true for the young Mr Hardy?
Lots of action, although not one of their best bouts together, cross faces, swantons, Whispers in the wind, Twists Of Fate and countless counters and according to JR, Hardy having an outer body experience… blimey! I think I missed that one!
Jeff was faced with, what us fans like to call, the ‘roll over and die scumbag’ more commonly known as The Pedigree. That’ll teach him for getting pis$ed on a plane!
CRAP! CRAP and more CRAP! He won’t ever get it will he? At least not from Triple H. (I had this smark-fest I mean, discussion with superfan Tomko last night! ha ha!) I do remember yelling a lot when the ref counted to three and thinking.. why did I honestly believe it could end any other way? I much prefere it back in Paps land.. everything’s so much fluffier there…


Dick Dastardly Vs Batista!
Who will the special guest referee be? Could it be Randy Orton? Could it be Shawn Michaels? Or could it be that bald bloke?
Yes we could all see it coming a mile off, if the fans voted for this or not it was gonna happen wasn’t it? Either us fans over the age of ten a) can’t vote because Vince’s ‘Universe’ only extends to the shorelines of the United States Of America or B) won’t vote because we know it’s a big fat steaming LIE! *gasps* (I will have to change my identity and live in a cardboard box now you realise?)
Who knows.. we may be in for a thriller and Austin might even stun some people and drink some beer!!!!! Imagine how exciting that would be?! Ok ok I’ll reel in the sarcasm string…
I personally would rather have seen Orton as the referee, picture it! He would stand in the corner, lean on the post and look extremly bored while Batista and Jericho got on with it! HAHA Classic! Give me a job damn you McMahon!
Looking at my notes now I have this HUGE Jericho rant that I literally wrote down as I watched his match with Batista. A rant, of course, in his favour because, and I mentioned this in the last Raw Rant, Im sick of the negitivity surrounding this title run. The guy is up there on the top tier of the top show being the best heel in the business today and it’s STILL not good enough for some is it? Some of these so called ‘reporters’ can not be pleased at all. The guy is out there being the most dispicable, coniving, horrible, self centered, lying, cheating bastard the WWE has to offer, infact Id say he’s a stone’s throw away from wrestling bloody genius! (am I going too far?!) What do we hear day in day out? “WWE are crapping on Jericho!” “Jericho can’t win a match without cheating!” “Jericho’s title run is being treated as a joke!” “Jericho gets no respect from the WWE!” How is that possible when the guy is their champion? I would hate to think Chris ever went online and read some of this stuff because he’s the one out there working his balls off to entertain us but people are up in arms about it and nothing he does is ever good enough! It’s doom and gloom all the time and it does ruin it for those of us that actually LIKE what we’re watching every week. Its a soap opera. Im tired of seeing so much seriousness around about it.. all of it not just Jericho! There is no other form of entertainment that turns it’s fans into bigger bitches than wrestling. We’re all opinionated, we’re all head strong and most of all, we’re all right. We take it all way too seriously and we scratch and hiss at people that tell us we’re taking it all too seriously!! If Vince McMahon had to please all of us he’d have been dead from a heart attack 10 years ago! Belt or no belt Jericho is currently the best damn thing on Raw right now and as I said in the Raw Rant, he’s one of the last ‘great’s of wrestling. There will be no more Jericho’s, no more Edge’s and no more Shawn Michaels’. Enjoy it while you can!
Back to the matter in hand, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system!
*deep breath*
Orton gets 4% WTH? FOUR PERCENT!? Who says I take it too seriously?! HBK gets a staggering… 22% and Austin gets the rest. Work it out. If we get lucky he’ll stunner Batista out of his spray-on trunks! (And it is at this point that I must appologise to Carol who has been sharing her gorgeous wwe event photos with me all week and is a HUGE Batista fan.. if you’re reading Carol.. ignore the Batista jibes I take this way too seriously! haha!)
Opening segment sees Jericho getting a good slap to Batista and after a scuffle and words with Austin, Jericho starts to leave. Austin then gets on the mic and says if he thinks he can walk out (and makes some reference to Jericho’s ar$e but I missed what it was, probably sexy ar$e.. who’d blame him?) then “EH EH!” (Ohhh how much have you missed that? Yeah me either…) If Jericho walks out or gets DQ’d the title WILL change hands! Jericho reluctantly has no choice but to get his sexy ar$e back into the ring. 
I couldn’t have given you play by play for the ending of this match if I had three hands to type with! If you want that go and look somewhere else BUT I can tell you that after Jericho ducks out of the way of a Batista shoulder block he knocks straight into Austin and wipes him out. There is a God! Jericho then gets the Code Breaker but there is no ref. A fter a few seconds HBK runs down to the ring looking like he’s gonna do the right thing and raises his hand to count.. but keeps it there! (It was quite funny you have to see it to appreciate it!) He gets a sloooooow two count and Jericho is in dispair! While he argues with HBK Batista is back up and spear’s Jericho. Shawn goes to count but JBL (What?!) comes and pulls Shawn out of the ring interrupting the count. (What?!) JBL then gets a clothesline from hell on Shawn (WHAT!?) And walks back up the ramp! (No… not a JBL Feud! What did we HBK fans DO to deserve a fricken JBL FEUD YOU B@$TARDS!!?)
All hell is breaking lose and Orton comes down and takes out Austin while Jericho clips Batista with the belt. (Nice shirt Randy!) He goes to count but only gets to two when.. STUNNER!!! Imagine my surprise! Jericho yells at Austin and avoids the stunner but gets a Spine Buster from Batista and 1..2..3! Bugger… Ah well it was great while it lasted! I did yell SOB and the rest of it at the TV and I also switched it off before we had to endure the ‘posing on the turnbuckle’ segment that Im sure followed the win! (I also heard he drank a beer with Austin… again imagine my surprise?!) It had a more gimmicky feel tot his match than a title match SHOULD have I think… but that’s me being opinionated, head strong and right… again!
So, we have a new champion, and it’s not the one I wanted, I was hoping for a new WWE not new Heayweight. I guess this could at least lead us to believe that Jericho’s feud with Batista was short and somewhat painless? He could go and feud with CM Punk! That’d be good! I have this theory that sometimes when these guys lay down to ‘pass the belt’ they’re actually thinking ‘Thank God that’s over get this thing off me!’ I think us Jericho fans should stick with my theory for the next week or so! 😉
On the whole Cyber Sunday was an ‘ok’ pay per view. Im glad we didn’t get it on box office because I probably wouldn’t have bought it. It fell flat in certain areas and was funny in others. No sign of CM Punk, Kofi Kingston or the Colon’s which I think was a big mistake.Thinking about it neither tag team champions were defending their titles on this pay per view and they were more concerned about putting the women’s champion in a Halloween costume than in a match! Whoops there I go again, taking it all way too seriously!


As Gordon would say… Cyber Sunday… DONE!



paps


paps@wrestle-zone.co.uk

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