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Devon’s Armageddon Review

December 15, 2008   ·   0 Comments

My deepest apologies for skipping the RAW Review last
week.  My employer had the nerve to
require me to attend some all-day end of year meetings which threw my schedule
into unsettling disarray.  The good news
(depending on how you look at it) is that Im back.  And though I had thoughts of rebelling and
not ordering Armageddon mostly because HBK was not on the card, Vince McMahon
once again got into my head and I shelled out the cash.  The last time I thought about not ordering a
PPV was Summerslam and thank god I changed my mind.  Seeing HBKs wife get knocked out by Jericho was must-see
TV.  Really, she took a hell of a bump!

 

So Im sitting in my living room waiting for my best friend
Jay to arrive when the FBI starts warning me about piracy and illegal cable and
all that crap.  Dear FBI:  Do you really believe Im going to risk
prison over a WWE PPV?  No offense,
Vince. 

We open with Matt Hardy vs. Vladimir Koslov AKA Soviet Union Eyes.  When HHH declared Koslovs stare as those Soviet Union eyes, I nearly fell off my chair.  Laughing, of course.  I was determined to re-write Kim Carnes
version of Bette Davis Eyes with a Koslov twist.  I did, but its entirely too scathing to post
here, so Ill just move on.  Vlad wins
but its a non-title match so Matt is still ECW champ.  Matt did his best to make Koslov look
good.  Jay arrived mid match and well, he
hadnt missed anything. 

 

Cut to the backstage area where Edge, Vickie, and Chavo
Guerrero were fighting for TV time.  If
you havent watched the PPV and you are reading this, Ive spared you the pain
of having to watch the horrendous dialogue between the three.  To close
the segment, Vickie demanded Chavo get her coffee.  With sugar. 
No Splenda.  Shes trying to lose
weight.  Riveting.

 

WWE thinks the authorities are incompetent and are now using
an advanced text messaging system to identify those persons involved with the
assault and battery of Jeff Hardy. 

 

More backstage shenanigans between Hornswoggle, Eve and
Finlay.  After Horny sexually harasses
Eve, Finlay asks his son to stay backstage during his match.  Looks like well be seeing the little guy at
ringside later.

 

Next up is the match that will determine who gets an IC
title shot.  Apparently Lillian messed up
the semantics and some people took that heart. 
Really?  William Regal and Layla, who
clearly met on match.com, are ringside to watch.  Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk was long but well
done.  I would have rather seen Kofi vs
Rey, but still good stuff.  Im pretty
sure CM Punk broke Reys nose with the GTS. 
It looked nasty.  I may or may not
have seen Rey utter an unmentionable word or two.

 

We see Jeff Hardy in a dark setting with a dim green light
for ambiance.  Actually, this was a very
good promo.  Deranged Jeff Hardy is way
over with me and that is saying a lot considering he was never a favorite of
mine.  I like the way this storyline is
being written and Jeff is doing a great job of following through with it.  He convinced me that he was going to win the
title. 

 

So for everyone complaining that they wanted another match
instead of the JBL/HBK segment I say this. 
Too bad.  There is no match that
could have taken place that would have driven up the entertainment value of the
show the way HBK can, even if hes not wrestling.  Im glad HBK had a chance to actually talk
because I really wasnt sure where all of this was going.  Leave it to Shawn to make something totally
ludicrous actually work.  The bagging
groceries/high school gym lines were amusing. 
In case you are wondering, I am complete mark for HBK but really can you
blame me?  The guy is really good.

 

This Legacy faction propaganda has been brought to you by the
foundation for pants for Randy Orton.

 

Cut to some Buffalo Bills players sitting ringside.  WTF are you so happy about?  Didnt you just lose a very winnable game to
the New York Jets?

 

So Mark Henry is going to fight Finlay in a Belfast
brawl in Buffalo.  Hmmm. 
But really its a hardcore match with some Irish weaponry made out of
Irish natural resources.  Henry kicks
Finlays ass till HW defies his fathers orders and comes down to ringside and
fs with Tony Atlas in his stylish sleeveless dress shirt.  I dont know about you but I think thats
hot. HW passes that Irish thing to Finlay and he wins.  No Im not going to attempt to spell it and Im
not going to google it, either.

 

I got up to grab a drink only to return to a very
unorganized Christmas cheer segment which confused the hell out of me mostly
because it didnt end up with Ron Simmons saying Damn, which is the only thing
that would have saved it. 

 

Randy Orton vs. Batista. 
This was a long match but credit to both guys for a job well done.  Of course, I was switching back and forth
between the match and the Cowboys/Giants game because well, I just cant help
myself.  But toward the end things really
picked up and Batista got the win.  Im
just glad he didnt get on the mic and do that forced laugh thing he seems to
have picked up.  Please stop doing that
Dave.  It doesnt work.  It works for HHH but thats because hes
really laughing.  You arent.  Im not sure what you are doing.  Just like I still dont understand why Randy
wont put some pants on.

 

The whole Khali kiss cam thing confuses the shit out of
me.  I thought we were billing him as a
big ass monster who will f up anyone and anything in his path?  Oh and by the way I called Mae Youngs
appearance without reading any spoilers. 
Shes downright loony and I love it.

 

 I am of the opinion
that its time to turn John Cena heel. 
Half the crowd cheers, half the crowd boos.  And in some cities the boos are louder than
the cheers.  Cenas character is stale
and he needs some kind personality transplant. 
Im sure Ill get hate mail for that but I feel like Im dead on
here.  Jericho, on the other hand, has been
fantastic.  I enjoyed the match because
of Chris.  I want to say good things
about Cena, I really do.  I just cant
right now.  Im sorry I need a moment…

 

Ok Im back.  The
triple threat match was my favorite match of the night.  I was pretty sure that Jeff was going to win
even though there is always that twinge of doubt because..well you know why if
youve been watching WWE for the past ten years.  I mean Jeff is like that guy at the office
that works his ass off but never really does anything to make you want to
promote him.  Truth be told, he used to
bore me to tears sometimes and I dont know if that was really his fault.  I saw him cutting promos but they were filled
with forced emotion.  But this new
deranged Jeff is actually quite intriguing. 
I hope he goes batshit crazy on everyone for the foreseeable future.   HHH is always a win when hes on the
card.  And what can I say about
Edge?  Nothing much comes to mind…

 

Well thats all for now. 
No elaborate rating system.  No
BS.  Just my opinion.  Til next time!

 

Email devmc@yahoo.com

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