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Six Minutes: October 4. 2009

October 4, 2009   ·   0 Comments

Six Minutes

October 4, 2009

Doug Maynard


Hi there!


I’ve got an hour to go before I leave for work. Yeah, another fun filled night of fake smiles, sarcasm and constantly telling myself that “I can’t kill them – someone, somewhere loves these ass-clowns.” Yes, the thrills of working with the public. But it’s a short shift tonight (which kind of reminds me of an ex-boyfriend of mine – the whole “short-shift” thing, but that’s a story for another day. If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to hear it. But if I ever get really bored, who knows? I’ve written about other things equally as bizarre (and damn it, Danny was bizarre!).


But that’s neither here nor now. I’ve got an hour to kill. So why not do a very quick ramble about the big time “all gimmick” PPV extravaganza from the WWE tomorrow night, the one and only, first ever “Hell In A Cell” PPV. Personally, I think having three matches of this nature on one show kind of kills the allure and excitement of the whole “Hell In A Cell” concept. One is great and exciting. Two are pretty good. By the time you get to three, forget it… it’s overkill.


You would think (hope) that the WWE would learn from the all cage match PPV over at TNA, but I guess not. Of course, Dusty Rhodes was the man at TNA that had the idea for the all-cage match PPV. And now, Dusty works for WWE. Is this just a coincidence? Who knows?


Let’s jump right to the matches and do the whole prediction thing. Does that sound like a plan or what? Or what? I know. But I’ve only got an hour and if I get going on a major rant about something, that hour will quickly vanish and I won’t get anything accomplished. I do have a few topics that I’d really like to get into though. Maybe after the PPV predictions. Here goes…


Hell In A Cell – World Championship

CM Punk (c) versus The Undertaker


From what I understand, this will be the last match of the night and the “main event”. Good for Punkers. He deserves it. And Taker too. But given the limited physical condition of the Taker right now (he came back too early and it shows), it’s going to be tough to be the “big match”, especially in a match as physical as the “HIAC” match… and after following two other similar matches as well. Punk’s going to have to carry the load and I hope he’s capable.


As for the match itself and the title, I think it’s too early to have Punk lose the title again. He’s doing an awesome job as the World Champion and is really becoming a major heel player for the WWE. His whole “straight edge” gimmick is over like crazy, mainly because it’s really him and how he feels. What kind of message does this send to the WWE writers about their whole process of giving people characters to play that are nothing like how they are in real life? Probably one that goes right over their heads. But Punk is great and deserves a long run as the top dog on Smackdown.


But Undertaker can’t really afford to lose again. Once, via the whole “screwjob” routine was tolerable. But for Taker to outright lose a “HIAC” match would be criminal. So what will the WWE do? I think we’ll see shenanigans. I’ve heard stories about Punk getting a “bodyguard” and quite possibly this would be the time to have said associate debut.

Look for the new bodyguard to get involved. Look for Vince McMahon to cause some problems. And in the end, look for Punk to remain, as he should, the World Champion. So it is written and so shall it be done.


Winner (and STILL World Champion) – CM Punk


OK, and I am back. Did you miss me? Did you even know I was gone? I made the mistake of stopping for a second to answer the phone and ended up having a strange conversation about picking the banjo. Don’t ask!


And then it was off to work for a few hours and then back home where I spent a couple of hours doing laundry and watching the movie “Clerks 2” for about the millionth time. Great movie. And then to bed and after about an hour of pleasant dreaming about a certain guy and our future together (yes – I admit it – I’m in love and I’ve got it bad!), the cat decided that he wanted to go out so he did a belly-flop dive on to my belly to wake me up. And after nearly having a classic “fat man heart attack” and cussing everyone and everything that ever existed, I got up and let the cat out.


Well, I tried, but he didn’t want out then. He wanted food. Damn cat! And then, since I was up anyhow, I wandered into the computer room and remembered this. And here I am. So let’s pick this up where we left off and that’s with the rest of my predictions.


Hell In A Cell – WWE Championship

John Cena (c) versus Randy Orton


I am so sick of this feud and it needs to end… NOW! I hate having Super-Cena as the WWE Champion, but having the master of the “Chinlock of Doom” as the WWE Champion really doesn’t do anything for me either. I could care less who wins, but let’s just get this over with. If Orton wins, Cena gets a rematch. If Cena wins, Orton has had his rematch and Cena can move on to someone else. So I’ll go for the WWE’s boy scout to take the win and retain his title. And move on to matches against Jericho, Miz, Swagger or anyone EXCEPT Randy Orton or HHH.


Winner and STILL WWE Champion: John Cena


Hell In A Cell – Grudge Match

DX (HHH & Shawn Michaels) versus Legacy (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase)


Another feud I’m tired of. I’m just tired of HHH and HBK and the whole DX thing anyhow. If Cena is the “Superman” of the WWE, then Shawn and Hunter must be the “(D)X-Men” for the company. A great concept that has been overexposed and played to death. It’s not a question of who will win, but how much offense will Cody and Teddy be allowed before they get their ass handed to them.


Truthfully, I’d love to see the return of Road Dogg (a former DX member who also just happens to be a second generation superstar) for one night only to “turn on” DX and cost them the match to help Legacy. Then, Monday at RAW, Legacy could turn on Road Dogg and give him a beat-down. Add some excitement and energy to this feud because it’s just dragging along and is boring me to tears. It’s just a matter of logistics though as HBK and HHH do what they do best and take the win and victory.


Winners: Shawn Michaels and Triple H – Degeneration X


Unified Tag Team Championship

Chris Jericho & The Big Show (c) versus Rey Mysterio & Batista


Jericho and Show have done a great job as the tag champs. While I can see Batista being pushed by the company and being rewarded by being given a title belt, I really wonder what kind of message it would send to the WWE superstars if Rey Mysterio, immediately upon his return from a “Wellness violation” was given a title and push as one half of the tag champions? Not a good one, I would think. So I’ll say that it will be a good match and have lots of drama and action, but when the final bell rings, the titles will stay right where they are and the champions will remain the same.


Winners and STILL Unified Tag Team Champions: Chris Jericho and The Big Show


Intercontinental Championship

John Morrison (c) versus Dolph Ziggler


Morrison is on the rise. Ziggler is still a goof. ‘Nuff said!


Winner and STILL Champion: John Morrison


United States Championship – Triple Threat Match

Kofi Kingston (c) versus The Miz versus Jack Swagger


I think Kofi has set some sort of record for title defenses in multi-man matches. He’s been in quite a few. But it’s time to switch things up a bit and give someone else a chance to run with the ball for a while. And that man, in my opinion, is the man who has really improved the most over the past two years of anyone on the WWE roster. He is the Miz and he is awesome. And after tonight, he will also be the WWE United States Champion.


Winner and NEW Champion: The Miz


Diva’s Championship

Mickie James (c) versus Alicia Fox


Another match that no one really cares about. I like Mickie and Alicia is HOT, but Mickie’s in-ring work has been downright sloppy as of late and even though Alicia has gotten better, she’s not ready yet to be champion. I think they’ll just keep the belt on Mickie and work around to shifting things back to Beth Phoenix, as it should be. Alicia will a champ one day most likely, but it won’t be today.


Winner and STILL Champion: Mickie James


And I just found out that there will be one more match at the PPV. Is it an ECW title defense by Christian, as it should be? Nope! ECW is still getting royally screwed over and neglected. Instead of a title defense of the third “World” title, we get to see a match with R-Truth taking on Drew McIntyre.


Yeah, this will really draw more fans than having the ECW WORLD CHAMPION defend his title or maybe having a major name like Matt Hardy, Fit Finlay, William Regal, Chavo Guerrero, Beth Phoenix, Cryme Tyme, Santino Marella, Kane, etc… wrestle. WWE sucks ass!


And that’s all I’ve got to say about that. And as for the match…


R-Truth versus Drew McIntyre


No one cares. Truth wins because… I don’t know. He just does.


Winner: R-Truth


And now, very quickly, I just want to run down a few topics that are making news in the world of professional wrestling and sports-entertainment and give very brief comments.


Yeah, I can be brief sometimes. Just don’t expect it too often.




Linda McMahon announces run for United States Senate seat. I like this. Linda is a smart woman and could do, I believe, a world of good in the world of politics. She’s used to working in a circus like atmosphere with the WWE, so she would be right at home in the U.S. Congress and the man she’s challenging, Chris Dodd, is a pinhead, to say the least. Best of luck to (future) Senator McMahon.


The Ric Flair lottery tickets (Wooo) are out here in NC. They’re five dollars each and the top prize is $100,000 bucks. I’ve bought four tickets so far and I’ve won a grand total of ten bucks. So I’m still ten bucks in the hole. That sucks! But the commercials are great. Go to YouTube and check them out. Woooooooooo!


Speaking of Flair, it looks as if the original NWA World Championship title belt may be coming up for auction on Ebay very soon. Ric was fronted a great deal of money by HighSpots.com and put the title belt up as collateral. Then Ric backed out of the agreement and hasn’t (as of yet) returned the money. So HighSpots has the belt and may end up selling it. Ric should be ashamed and embarassed by this. I hope, if the belt is sold, that Harley Race or someone who will respect the title and value it gets the belt. Ric is (arguably) the greatest wrestler of all time, but in making business decisions, he leaves a lot to be desired.


David Letterman – blackmailed for having relations with WOMEN. And he turns it into a monologue and ratings grab. Only in America.


The Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane) are still the greatest tag team of all time, in my opinion.


I would love to hear a round-table discussion about the sport of wrestling today featuring Ole Anderson, Jim Cornette, Michael Hayes and Kevin Nash – with Jim Ross as the moderator. That would be incredible.


Why wasn’t JBL at the Smackdown Anniversary show? He was the longest running World Champion in Smackdown history, wasn’t he? It makes me wonder.


I’m glad that Vickie Guerrero is back. Why can’t Ivory and Lita come back too?


Sheamus is pale.  He looks like a ghost.  I always thought that comic Bob Sagat was the whitest human alive. Not anymore.


Does anyone still read comics? Has Captain America came back from the dead yet? Or is that just something exclusive to the X-Men?


I miss the Muppets!


And I can’t think of anything else. I need to go to bed. I have to work this afternoon. So guess what? That’s all folks.


Questions and comments to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Visit me at MySpace at www.myspace.com/salt_palace and at Facebook at www.facebook.com/saltpalace.


Until the next time, ‘dat is all ‘de people need to know. I’m Doug and I am gone.







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