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Tossing Salt Is Smackdown: July 15, 2011

July 16, 2011   ·   0 Comments

Tossing Salt Is WWE Smackdown
July 15, 2011
Doug Maynard
“Hey there, Georgie Girl” Remember that song? Nope? Me neither, although according to certain members of my family who love to make up stories about my childhood and make me look even more foolish than the “Home Alone” kid swear that I loved to sing it when I was extremely little and wearing my shoes in the bathtub. I totally deny that claim though. Show me the video proof. Or the DNA evidence. I know people that know people and if the glove doesn’t fit, they must aquit. And we all know that such claims are only as true as the President’s plans to fix the economy and honest politicians. Good in theory, but in the real world, they are just like Charo… crazy as coochie-coochie and truly just a figment of our imaginations.
So what’s the point. It’s the tip of a nose, but that’s not important right now. I just want to sit here on my computer and talk about that things that matter most in life. Of course, that is caffeine addiction and turkey breast sandwiches. Yummy! I’m addicted to caffeine and I’m cooking a turkey right now. True story. It’s a “brown and serve” yard bird, weighing about eleven pounds (or the size of John Mayer’s head) and it was on sale.
Actually, it was free. I’m a person that knows people and when doing my duties that I do, the person I do the deeds with when doing my duties gave me the bird, saying “this one’s for you” because I’m such a great guy. Or maybe there was an ulterior motive. Maybe he wanted the secret defense plans for the nuclear base in Outer Mongolia. Or is that inner city Detroit? I always get the two of those mixed up. Regardless of the reason (he wants my body – I know it), he gave me a small turkey. Gobble gobble! And I’m cooking it. The whole house is reeking of cooked fowl. And I’m loving it. Who needs to wait for Thanksgiving? “Not I?”, said the goose. So that covers the turkey talk.
As for the caffeine speak, I wanted some. I went and got some. I went to Food Lion, bought my drinks and came home. I’m a loyal Food Lion shopper, even though I truly do believe that they should start delivering the groceries. I remember all of those old sitcoms and movies in the older days and they always had a boy at each of the stores that delivered the groceries. That is a practice that needs to be brought back, much like slinkies and Ms. Pac Man. Johnny Depp delivered groceries in the movie, “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”. Therefore, if the stores starting delivering groceries, they might come up with the next Johnny Depp. There are a few baggers at the local store that I would love to have deliver to me. And they could even bring groceries if they want to. Or come alone and forget about the groceries. Either way is fine. I would be glad to give them a tip. And a piece of pie. Always gotta have the pie. I like Pecan Pie. Lots of nuts. I also like Lemon Meringue. I think I spelled that wrong. So long as it tastes good though, I can deal with bad spelling. Bad spelling, yes! Tori Spelling, no! She’s annoying. Aaron Spelling made some good shows though. I loved Dynasty!
Okey-doke, since we’ve taken care of the rambling portion of this, now let’s move on to the real nitty gritty. It’s Friday night and that means that in just a few minutes, it’ll be time for the WWE and Friday Night Smackdown. It’s the go home show for the Money In The Bank pay per view, which is quickly shaping up, due to Mr. CM Punk, to be the biggest show of the year for WWE, apart from Wrestlemania and SummerSlam of course. And the Royal Rumble. Can’t forget that one. It’s a mighty important show for the WWE. Both the PPV and the episode of Smackdown for tonight. I guess that means I should do a recap, right? Of course it does. So I think I will. I’ve got a plate full of turkey sitting here next to me. Tastes great, by the way. Yummy! And I’ve got a cold Diet Dew beside me as well. I’m set for the evening. And since I don’t have any other plans, I may as well be de’ man and do it. First Impact last night and now Smackdown tonight? Damn, I’m good! So…
I’m Doug and it’s Friday night. And this is “Tossing Salt Is WWE Friday Night Smackdown!”. Let’s do this…
Michael Cole, Booker T and Josh Matthews are the hosts. There is lots of pyro going on at the Mohegan Sun Casino and the crowd seems to be pumped. Randy Orton is fighting Kane tonight. Ted DiBiase will be taking on Ezekiel Jackson later for the Intercontinental Championship as well. Josh is in the ring and he calls out World Champion Randy Orton. Josh brings up that if Randy is DQ’ed on Sunday, Christian becomes the champ. Randy says that he will not get DQ’ed on Sunday. He’s proven that there is more than one way to beat Christian. Christian knows he can’t beat Randy – simple as that. Christian is on the Titantron. He doesn’t want to beat Randy by DQ. He just wants to have a classic match. Christian has a present for Randy. It’s a pic of Christian standing over Randy, holding the World title up high after laying Randy out. Christian says that this is how it will end on Sunday with him as the new World Champion.
Randy sees what Christian is trying to do. It’s pathetic. Christian explains what is pathetic, and talks about Randy’s family by taking shots at “Cowboy” Bob Orton, who he calls a “glorified sidekick”. He compares Bob Orton to Drew Carey and Bob Euker and calls him a joke. Bob Orton is only in the HOF since the WWE Brass wanted to keep Randy happy. They’re pathetic. Randy invites Christian to come to the ring and repeat what he said. Christian said he’ll do it after Sunday after he wins the title. Randy calls Christian a pathetic excuse for a man and superstar and is a flash in the pan, who’s only claim to fame was his best friend helping him be a champ for five days. That’s pathetic. Randy glares and mutters to himself as we cut to Michael Cole who explains the stipulations for the match on Sunday. Josh changes the subject to Mark Henry versus The Big Show and this leads into a video package highlighting the issues and drama as of late between the two huge monsters of men. Those are some big-ass dudes! Later tonight, Big Show and Mark Henry will face off.
Eden Stiles is in the ring doing the intros.

Intercontinental Championship Match
Ezekiel Jackson (c) versus Ted DiBiase

No Cody Rhodes tonight so Teddy is on his own. Teddy slaps Zeke, who rebounds with some pounding and clubbering. Zeke mauls Teddy for a two and then tosses Teddy to the floor. Zeke follows, but gets posted by Teddy, who follows up with a dropkick on the outside. Teddy puts Zeke in the ring and gets two. Teddy stomps a mudhole in Zeke. Zeke charges and Teddy hits a drop toehold for two. Chinlock by Teddy. We see Cody watching from the back. Zeke with elbows and a stiff clothesline. It’s all Zeke now as he flattens Teddy in the corner. It’s multi-slam time by Zeke. Torture rack countered by Ted into Dreamstreet. Zeke counters by backing that ass up and squashing Teddy in the corner. Zeke is in control and it’s torture rack time (Shades of Lex Luger) for the submission win.

Winner and STILL Champion: Ezekiel Jackson

Still to come, Sin Cara takes on Sheamus. Plus World Champion Randy Orton takes on Kane. Plus Daniel Bryan takes on Cody Rhodes and that match is coming up next.
Ted DiBiase is waling around the back. Cody wants to know what happened. Ted says he tried, but Cody isn’t buying it and gives him a bag. That bag is for losers like the WWE Universe. Cody decides to give Teddy one more chance, but if he loses again, Cody will personally put the bag on Ted’s head. A young guy is there and Cody “bags” him as Ted watches. Daniel Bryan comes to the ring and we see a video feature highlighting the issues and circumstances between Daniel Bryan and Cody Rhodes and his bags.

Daniel Bryan versus Cody Rhodes

Cody comes to the rings and he has his “baggers” with him to distribute bags for the fans to wear on their heads. One of the baggers takes a bag over to Booker T to wear. Bryan starts off with chops and a roll for two. Cody hits a shoulder and Bryan throws some kicks. Dropkick by Bryan while Cody is tied in the ropes. Suicide dive by Bryan and both men are down on the outside as we go to commerical. And just noting, Michael Cole is wearing the bag that was given to Booker, “just to see what it will be like for Ted DiBiase if he loses again”. Cole is an idiot, but I like the bag look for him. He should keep it… permanently.
We come back and Cody plants Bryan with an inverted suplex and a slam. Cody goes to work on the leg with a single-leg crab. Bryan kicks out and fights back with punches and forearms. A roll by Bryan for two. Cody with some stomps and then the knees in the gut. Cody gets two. More kicks by Cody and he goes back to the leg, locking back up the half-crab. Bryan makes the ropes.
Bryan fights back again and it’s fist city. Bryan takes the advantage and scores with a clothesline. A flying knee by Bryan for two. Fists by Bryan to the face. A drop toehold by Cody and he takes back control. Cody plants Bryan with a slam for two. Bryan dropped in the corner and thy’re back and forth. Bryan falls to the floor, but comes back and hits the missle dropkick from the top rope. Bryan covers for a two. Dropkick by Bryan and he places Cody on the top. Bryan gets crotched and Cody hits the flying kick and Cody covers for the pin.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Teddy Long is in his office talking on the phone. Here is a referee. Teddy tells the ref that if Mark Henry and Big Show have any physicality tonight, they’re match is cancelled. Teddy talks about gambling on the phone to his friend and then here comes Kane. He thanks Teddy for giving him the match against Orton tonight. Kane says that something is wrong. He’s a monster and monster’s don’t lose to anyone. He’s feeling less and less like a monster and more like a human. He doesn’t like it. He wants to know what’s happening to him. Teddy tells Kane that he’s scaring the hell out of him right now. We go to a video promoting the CM Punk – John Cena match for Money In The Bank. That’s what everyone is wanting to see and I have to admit, I do too. The other matches are just filler. And if Cena wins, we riot!
Did you know that there are 80 Superstars in the WWE Hall of Fame.  But still no Bruno Sammartino, Bob Backlund or Ivan Kolloff.  What’s wrong with that picture?
We see Jinder Mahal getting photographed. Khali is there too and Jinder threatens the photographer for taking pics of Khali. His face is all that matters. Haven’t Jinder and Khali seen the WWE’s anti-bullying efforts? I think they might need to see it again.
We see Christian backstage looking at Randy Orton’s private bus and he seems impressed. He wants one for himself. The peeps would like that. We see vandalism as there are insults spray-painted about Orton and Teddy Long. The vandal, whoever it is *wink wink* is expecting Christian to be the next World Champion. (It wasn’t me – I have an alibi). Christian is shocked and says that he’ll find out who did that dastardly deed. He’ll find out because he cares. Funny.
Unexpected Moment Of The Week – Sheamus cleans the ring of the MITB participants last week on Smackdown.

Sheamus versus Sin Cara

Wade Barrett is at ringside joining the commentary. Both men get into the ring and we go to a commercial. Of course we do. Why am I not surprised? We start the match and Sheamus just tosses Sin Cara around. A hurracurrana by Sin Cara and Sheamus eats turnbuckle. Kicks by Sin Cara. Sheamus takes control, but Cara flips him around. Sheamus with the backbreaker for two. Cara with an elbow and a headscissors. Sheamus bullies Cara into the ropes and clubs away. A big “Shades of Wrestling II” kneelift by Sheamus and he locks in the neck-vice. Sin Cara with fists, but Sheamus with the elbows and kicks. Fist city bySheamus and back into the chinlock. Knee by Sheamus, but misses the kick and goes to the floor, injuring his knee. Cara with a drokick and a kick to the face. Sheamus rams Cara into the corner and a “Shades of Scott Hall” fallaway slam. Sheamus goes for a powerbomb, but Cara slides free with the roll for a pin.

Winner: Sin Cara

Cara leaves the ring quixkly after getting his win. Wade Barrett enters the ring and flattens Sheamus with a big kick and “Wasteland”. Barrett stands over Shemaus and points upward to signify his chances of winning Money In The Bank.
We see Christian and he found a wallet backstage. It’s Randy Orton’s wallet. He goes through the wallet, tossing stuff away and making comments on the photos of Randy’s wife. He takes the money from the wallet and decides to make Randy a little extra cash to help Randy pay for “Anger Management Courses” or his daughters college fun. Christian bets all of Randy’s money on “1” which is Randy’s birthday. Christian loses. He asks if it’s rigged. Christian says that it looks like Randy’s luck just ran out.
And here is Teddy Long coming to the ring. Holla! Holla! Holla! He says that he has arranged a face-off between Mark Henry and Big Show. Both men have to behave or else Teddy will call off the match for Sunday. He calls out the Big Show and Mark Henry (seperately of course). Mark stays on the ramp because he doesn’t want to lose his temper. Henry and Show trade insults and Henry says that it was Show’s fault. We see video of Show ambusing Mark Henry last month and sending Henry out on a stretcher. Show admits that what he did changed Henry. They’ve been waiting fifteen years for Henry to show his stuff and be the “World’s Strongest Man”. He lit a fire under Henry and tells Mark to direct that fire in other directions. Henry says that stronger is better than big. Meaner is better than big. Better is better! Mark Henry says that Show has no idea what he’s capable of. Show says that Henry has no idea what he can do and forget about Sunday… let’s do it right now. Teddy says that it isn’t happening. They’ll collide soon enough on Sunday and then, they can let God sort it out. Show and Henry trade dirty looks as the segment ends. “The Life Of A Masked Man” about Rey Mysterio is now available on DVD – look for it.

WWE Diva Match
Rosa Mendes w/ Alicia Fox versus Kelly Kelly

Kelly rides and rolls up Rosa for two. Rosa grabs hair and throws punches. A surfboard by Rosa. Kelly flips Rosa to escape and throws a kick. Neckbreaker by Kelly for two. Stinkface by Kelly and a bulldog. A kick and the leg across the back of the neck for the pin.

Winner: Kelly Kelly

As Kelly celebrates, Alicia gives her a small hand of applause. We see Johnny Curtis. He’ll be making his debut on Smackdown sooner than anyone thinks. He pulls a cat out of the bag, or tries anyhow, but it’s an elephant. Curtis complains that the “elephant in the room” isn’t until next week. Johnny tears up the elephant and stalks off. Coming up is Randy Orton versus Kane. After the commercial break, the announcers plug the MITB Ladder Match and we get a sneak peek at what Money In The Bank is all about with a MITB highlight reel video package, plus a recap of the rest of the card for Sunday.
It’s Christian again and he’s a fan of Randy’s. He talks about Randy’s movie career and we see a deleted scene from “That’s What I Am” where Randy is being an ass and raising questions about one of the other characters. Christian pops up and calls Randy a “bad actor” for bad acting and caveman expressions. Christian gives kudos to Orton for his acting career and typecasting as a ill-tempered, hateful bully and wishes him best of luck later tonight in the match against Kane. Did you know that Smackdown has been the number one show on SyFy since it’s debut.

Justin Gabriel versus Heath Slater

Slater has the mic. They were on top of the world as a tag team,but lately Justin’s been dropping the ball and he’s tired of sharing the spotlight because he’s the “One Man Rock Band”. Justin goes after the arm, but Heath reverses. Lots of switches and reversals. Some great back and forth. Justin with shoulders and a kick . Heath with the fist and some kicks. Knees to the back and a chinlock. Justin fights to escape and scores with a kick. Heath misses a charge and Justin goes up. Slater drops Justin and goes up, missing a backsplash. Justin up with the 450 splash and the pin.

Winner: Justin Gabriel

We see Kane and Orton in the back. And they’re split-screen and walking towards the ring. The main event is coming up next. After the commercial, we get a video message from CM Punk. It’s highlights of the last few weeks and Punk’s great promos building up to big main event match Sunday night at the PPV as Punk fights Cena for the WWE Championship.

Non-Title Match
World Champion Randy Orton versus Kane

Randy with fists in the corner. Kane fights back and levels Randy. A big splash in the corner by Kane (repeatedly) for two. Chrstian comes out on the ramp. Kane goes upstairs and hits the big fist from the top. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Randy gets free and throws fists. Clotheslines by Randy and a big powerslam. Randy with a kick an he plants Kane with the DDT. He’s setting up for the RKO, but Randy pushes free. Randy spots Christian and is distracted. Both go to the floor as Kane uses a clothesline. Randy goes after Christian as the referee counts. Randy is counted out.

Winner by Count-Out: Kane

Randy is upset and starts chasing Christian around the ringside area. Randy chases Christian into the ring and gets leveled by Kane. Kane chases Christian from the ring and gets caught by Randy’s RKO> Christian hits Randy with the spear! Christian goes to the floor and gets a chair. He goes after Randy, but Randy hits him with a kick and Christian flees the ring. Randy gets the chair and he starts pounding away at Kane with the chair. Kane is out as Christian watches from the stage.
And there you go. It’s the go home show for the WWE leading to the pay per view and I think, overall, they did a good job working towards and building to the show on Sunday night. The in-ring action tonight wasn’t especially great, but considering that the entire roster is exhausted and jet-lagged from their recent overseas touring, that’s to be expected. It was still a decent show.
And I’m out of here for now as well. I’ve got things to do, people to see, places to go and legacies to create. Actually, I’m just going to grab a quick shower before time to watch my favorite vampire-slaying show at 11:00. Yep, I’m a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan and proud of it. So I need to get to getting, step to stepping and roll to rolling. That means that, as the legendary Baron Von Raschke would say, “Take Me Out To The Ballpark!”. Look for that promo on YouTube from the Baron’s AWA days. It’s hilarious. And the Baron was cool! ‘Nuff said.
Hit me up at Doug28352@yahoo.com for questions, comments, etc. Go visit my fic site at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com for all things that are literary and Dougie-Fresh combined. And on that, I’m like justice in a Florida courtroom – I am gone! Until the next time, Ubuntu!


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