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Tossing Salt – Worldwide News (Part 1 of 5) – September 29, 2011

September 30, 2011   ·   0 Comments

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
Let The Bodies Hit The Floor – Part 1
September 29, 2011
Doug Maynard

Greetings, salutations and how the heck are you? No, this is not a dream. I’m not Alice Cooper welcoming you to my nightmare (although if you are out and looking for some awesome sounds, Alice’s new CD, “Welcome 2 My Nightmare”, came out last week. It’s good! It’s damn good! Get it if you can. You will not be disappointed. Now what was I saying?

Oh yeah, this is Doug and I’m back to rant and rave for a little while. For the next five days actually because this is a series of columns. It’s hard to get motivated these days to write, but when the fire is there, I may as well be like the brushfires in Texas and do all the damage I can, right? Right! And right now, I’ve got more fire going on than Melina’s crotch when visiting her old friend, Dave Batista. Yeah, that was a cheap shot. Bear with me here. It’s been a while. The jokes will get better (I hope!). And maybe the rest of the column will too. Stick around and we’ll find out together.
Maybe it’s just me, but the WWE has, for the most part lately, gotten a bit stale. Okay, it’s been stale for a long, long time. We’ll get the occasional bit of freshness with someone like CM Punk or Zack Ryder (Woo Woo Woo – You Know It!), but for the most part, it seems to be John Cena this and Randy Orton that and Triple H in the library with the candlestick (or sledgehammer as the case may be.) The WWE needs to make some changes. And I’m not talking about the occasional tweaking to get excite the fans, like they did with Punk, before pulling the rug out from under everyone’s legs. I’m talking about real, major changes of direction.
But let’s be honest. To do that, they would need to replace the creative direction of the WWE and that would mean replacing Stephanie McMahon and the so-called creative teams. And we all know that isnt going to happen. But, on the small chance it does happen and WWE cleans house of their “writers” and needs to find some new blood, I am available. Hey Vince, call me!
And since the “writers” and “creative geniuses” are pretty much off limits, unless Stephanie decides she needs a scapegoat for bad storylines and doesn’t want to take responsibility, the other place to make changes and freshen things up are with the WWE Superstars. Yeppers my friends, it’s time to cut the fat from the sacred cow. So what I’m going to do, for the next five days, is go over the entire WWE roster, from RAW and from Smackdown, and simply give my opinion, if I was in charge, who I would fire and who I would keep around and what exactly I would do with each character, if they’re safe and don’t get pink-slipped, to make them be more productive and helpful to attract fans and increase the marketability of the WWE to the masses.
I’ll look at the RAW roster in this column and the one for tomorrow. And then I’ll tackle the stars of Smackdown. And in the final and fifth column of this series, I’ll name some names that I would try, again if I was in charge and had the option, to bring in to fill the voids my mass firings would create and give the WWE a whole new direction and freshness.
Five columns in five days. Does this sound like a plan or what?
And I’ll probably throw in a few more things along the way as well. After all, the WWE has plans for an entire network sometime next year, right? Well, with an entire network, they’re going to be looking for shows to fill up some of the airtime in between classic and current wrestling matches. I’ve got some ideas and I’ll be including them as well over the next few days. Yeah, this is going to be fun.
So let’s get this party started and take it down to the dance floor. Are you ready? I said, “Are you ready?”. I really need to quit doing this bit. It doesn’t work in the written format very well. Let’s get ready to “SALT IT!”…

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News: Let The Bodies Hit The Floor (Part 1 of 5) – WWE RAW

Let’s jump right into it and start off with the superstars of WWE Monday Night RAW. Well, before I get to the actual RAW stars, let’s go ahead and take care of three “Alumni” of the WWE who are all “fired” (wink wink), but are still a big part of the current and future storylines.
The Miz: Miz is exactly what he say’s he is – the most “must see” WWE Superstar ever. It’s hard to believe he was so annoying and hard to watch when he first came on the scene in the WWE, but he learned and grew and he’s definitely the future of the company and the WWE for many years to come. Miz not only keeps his job, but he deserves a raise and a bonus as well, just for being so “Awesome!”
R Truth: I’ve never been a big fan of R-Truth, especially when he was kissing up to everyone in sight and doing that stupid, “What’s Up?” rap is crap song. BUT, ever since he declared war on the “Little Jimmy’s” and started having thoughts of a conspiracy, he’s really grown, in my eyes, as an entertianer. His in-ring work isn’t anything special, but the promos are pure gold. He’s safe.
Kevin Nash: I actually like Kevin Nash, for the most part, and was excited to see him brought into the WWE as part of the mix in the CM Punk / HHH angle. Until I actually saw him in the angle. And he sucked! Maybe if this had led to a series of matches with CM Punk thoroughly kicking Nash’s ass, it might have worked, but as it is now, Nash is more of a headache than an asset at this point and they need to go ahead and cut the losses and let him go. Nash gets the boot – repeatedly!
And now on to the first twenty names from the RAW roster…
Alberto Del Rio: He’s good in the ring, gets good heat from the fans and although his star has faded slightly in the past few weeks, he’s a man the WWE can build around and draw in fans, espcecially in the Latino audience. He’s safe.
Alex Riley: Talk about falling from grace. Alex was shining brightly as the side-kick to The Miz, but the team was broken up and while Miz coasted along on the main event ride, RIley shined brightly for a few weeks and then seems to have burnt out. His matches have gotten sloppier and sloppier and the cheers have gotten quieter and quieter. He’s got a ton of potential and upside, but as a solo act, he’s not ready for prime time. Either repackage him, put him back with the Miz, or else kiss him good-bye. He’s outta here!
Big Show: The Big Show used to be a big deal, but more often than not these days, he’s just a big joke. Keep him under a Legends Deal and use him occasionally for special events, much like Andre the Giant was in his early days. He wasn’t around very often, but when he was there, it was a big deal. Let Big Show go to Hollywood and try his hand in movies and TV. As for being a full time wrestler in the WWE, he’s gone!
Beth Phoenix: Keep her! Use her! Push her to the moon as the dominating figure for the WWE Diva’s division. The Glamazon has an amazing upside that has yet to even be touched and with the proper storylines and push by management, she could be a big breakout star for the WWE, aka Trish Stratus. Beth has all the tools. She just needs the opportunity. She’s safe.
Brie Bella: Well, she’s a twin. And she’s hot. But hot chicks are a dime a dozen. And well, she’s a twin. So unless she’s there for the sole purpose to take part in one of John Laurinatis’ playboy fantasies, I can’t see any real reason she has a job. Aloha!
CM Punk: Let Punk be what he was a few weeks ago and do what he was doing a few weeks ago. He’s hot and the WWE should be pushing him to the moon right now. He’s the man to build around for the next several years, much as John Cena has been for the past few years. Punk is the future and he’s absolutely safe!
Curt Hawkins: I remember when Hawkins was one of the Edge-heads, but what has he done since then? I can’t really think of anything either. He’s gone!
David Otunga: He’s a lousy wrestler and a lousy promo guy. But he’s married to an Academy Award winning actress and singer, Jennifer Hudson. That’s a big plus and probably the only reason he’s kept a job this long. Is it enough? Nope, I don’t think so. He’s gone!
Drew McIntyre: I remember when Drew was supposed to be Vince’s personal “chosen one”. And then he got moved to RAW and married a Diva, who quickly pulled a “Melina” and got herself fired. And he’s been merely an after-thought ever since. But Drew has a good presence and a strong upside that makes him stand out. He’s a good wrestler and with the right support and push, can be a strong upper mid-card talent for the WWE. He’s safe.
Dolph Ziggler: Looking at Dolph, I am hard pressed to find any strong negatives. He’s a good worker, a good talker and has a unique presence. He’s definitely a keeper for the WWE.
Evan Bourne: I don’t really much care for Evan and I think he’s too small to be a legitimate force in the ring. But he does perform some amazing moves and has a good presence. He has charisma and makes the matches exciting, even if you don’t think he has a legitimate chance to win. If the WWE was to ever re-establish the Cruiserweight Championship, Bourne would be the guy to build the division around. He’s not a personal favorite, but I can see his appeal. He’s safe.
Eve: She’s fair in the ring and she’s a nice looking woman, but she doesn’t really have a personality that shines through. She’s a take it or leave it type of Diva and if I’m the one cutting the checks, I’ll keep her… for now. She’s an unknown factor to me. I can’t remember ever hearing her talk, but she is okay in the ring, so I’ve have her work with the agents on developing a memorable character & gimmick and tightening up on the wrestling skills. And so long as she keeps improving, she keeps her job. It’s simple as that.
Gail Kim: I’m not even sure why her name is still listed on the WWE Raw roster on WWE.com since she quit a few months ago, but since she’s listed as part of the roster, she gets to be given the stay or go treatment. And she can go. She doens’t want to be there and there is no reason to keep someone there who has made it clear she’s not happy. So for Gail Kim, we wish her well in her future endeavors. ‘Nuff said!
Goldust: Dustin is still listed on the roster, but his active days are over and he’s primarily working as an agent for the WWE these days. So I guess that means we might see the occasional appearance by Goldy, but those blessed moments will be few and far between. Dustin is a strong character and a locker room leader and having him as part of the WWE, in any role, is a plus. He’s safe.
Jack Swagger: A strong performer and a good character with a tremendous upside. I would not only keep Jack, but insist that the so-called creative forces work and push his character to be a modern version of Kurt Angle for the WWE. He has all the tools, but just needs to find his niche and get the right push. The “All American American” is safe.
Jerry Lawler: Sign him to a Legend’s deal. Remove him from the announce table and send him on his way. He’s extremely stale and just going through the motions. He can do that in Memphis. The King is dead!
Jim Ross: When he’s left to do his job, Jim Ross is one of the best wrestling announcers ever. When he has to argue with Michael Cole for the entire show, he’s not so good. So let Jim Ross stay at the announce table. Give him a new announce partner to work with and help develop and grow. And enjoy some BBQ. That’s the way it should be. Jim Ross stays as long as he wants to.
John Cena: He annoys the hell out of me personally, but John Cena is the biggest name currently in the WWE. And he sells merchandise like no other. Despite all of his flaws, and there are many, he’s the ultimate WWE Superstar and representative. I’d keep him away from the WWE or World titles for a long, long time (he doesn’t need them), but I’d also definitely keep him happy.
John Laurinaitis: One of the problems with WWE talent is lack of good leadership from the top. And a big part of that is the former Johnny Ace. His views and opinions of what makes a strong WWE superstar are old and stale. We need a new person in this role who can think outside the box and maybe open the WWE to wrestlers and Diva’s who are not quite so cookie-cutter as the current batch. Mike Bucci (Simon Dean) would be great for this job. So would Tommy Dreamer. But as for John Laurinaitis, aka Johnny Ace, someone needs to make a phone call, as Ace has done himself so many times before, and wish him well in his future endeavors.
John Morrison: He’s got a good look and good skills, but John Morrison has one major piece of baggage. Her name is Melina. I think the former WWE Diva has poisoned the waters for Morrison and ruined any chances he’ll ever have of getting a major push. He needs a change of enviroment and a chance to rebuild his image and career. Maybe Japan? Maybe TNA? But not the WWE. Not right now anyhow. He’s gone!
And there you go, the first twenty-three WWE Superstars to go under the knife and be evaluated. So what do you think? Am I on track so far or teetering on the edge of total insanity? Let me know what you think. The rest of the RAW roster gets the microscope treatment tomorrow.
And now, before I close, I want to throw a couple of ideas out there for some possible show ideas for the WWE and their upcoming new network. We’ve already heard talk about a cooking show starring The Big Show and his wife. That might be fun because you know that Big Show loves to eat. And to keep that big guy fed, his wife has to be amazing in the kitchen. (or else have the number for Domino’s Pizza on her speed-dial.). So if cooking shows are an option, why not a few other shows like…
“Wake Up WIth Trish”: An early morning work-out show with WWE Diva Trish Stratus demonstrating and leading a group of volunteers as she teaches Yoga.
“The B-Team”: WWE Superstar Zack Ryder and his team of “Browski’s”, (R-Truth, Hornswoggle, Great Khali and Mae Young), travel the world, fighting evil and attempting to make the world a better place, all while filming themselves on YouTube.
“Excuse Me, Sucka!”: A talk show, in the style of Live With Regis & Kelly, where WWE Superstars Vickie Guerrero and Booker T interview guests and attempt to see who can be more annoying.
“And I Quote”: Short pieces to be placed in between shows with Michael Cole attempting to discuss famous quotes and catch-phrases from wrestling history, but usually just ending up talking about himself instead.
That’s just a few ideas to help fill the time on the new WWE Network. Don’t worry, I have more.
And on that, I am out of here. I’ll be back tomorow with more nips and tucks for the WWE Superstars. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. And if you’re a user of Facebook (and who isn’t, despite all the very annoying and stupid changes they’ve made there as of late), then come see me at www.facebook.com/saltpalace. Add me as a friend. You know you want to.
I’m Doug and dat’ is all de’ people need to know. See you tomorrow. Ubuntu!

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