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Tossing Salt – Worldwide News: January 16, 2012

January 17, 2012   ·   0 Comments

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
January 16, 2012
Doug Maynard

Back again and it’s a brand new edition of pro-wrestling’s most eclectic column. I’ve got two things on the agenda. A recap of WWE Monday Night RAW with my thoughts and comments as the show progresses, plus a special edition of “One On One” that I wrote up earlier this week for my blog-site and have decided to reprint here because it’s an awesome piece. So there you go. That’s what’s on the agenda. Let’s do this my little Saltines. I’m Doug and this is how we roll. Let’s do this…

Happy Birthday to my extremely awesome niece, Dalian Paige Roland. Love ya, Pitty! Hope you have the most wonderful of days!! And now, let’s get naked! Oops, wrong column. My bad! Let’s get RAW…

WWE Monday Night RAW Thoughts…

RAW is in Anaheim,CA. Looks like the WWE stars will have an early night of it, finishing at 8:00pm local time. Time to hit the bars and the Waffle House after the show.

RAW starts out with a video honoring Martin Luther King Jr. Nobody does video tributes like the WWE. Long live the dream. I dream of unicorns, kittens and leather. I like my dreams. I also like ice cream and jelly beans.

Surprise! Here comes Mick Foley. Cool beans! Looks like some good matches later tonight. Foley is going to speak (which is more than I can say for Jericho!)

Love the Foley cheap pop! Foley liked being non-physical in his roles with WWE. Boos for the “this is your life” segment a while back. It was brutal. Mick’s lived out his dreams. Foley is talking comeback. Please don’t say it!!

Damn it! He said it! Foley is going to be in the Royal Rumble!

Excuse me!! Here comes Vickie! She has Dolph too. Damn, Vickie still gets more heat than 98% of the heels in the company.

Dolph doesn’t like kids or Mick’s comedy. Dolph is funny though. Mick is fired up for the Rumble and wants to win it. Dolph is really tearing into Mick. I expect we’ll see a Foley – Dolph match next week. Where is Johnny Ace? Dolph tells Mick to go away. Here comes CM Punk!

Punk does the cheap pop! Punk compares himself to Mick. Damn, Vickie has a bitchy look on her face! Punk rags on Johnny Ace. PIPE BOMB is back! Here comes Johnny Ace. I love the way he always introduces himself. He’s such a dick! Ace says that Foley’s request to be in the Rumble is under consideration. And Ace says “No” to Mick’s dreams. Vickie is such an evil bitch! I love it! You know that she’s getting humiliated before the night is over.

We see Air Boom. They’re beltless and will be facing new champions Primo & Epico in a match next. Should be a good match. I wonder which Air Boom member pissed off management to lose the titles at a house show? Who will be the next to take that 30-Day vacation? If it’s Bourne, it’ll be sixty days. Let’s just watch and see who takes the fall.

Way cool to see a title change at a house show. Epico and Primo need to bring Carlito back to be their 3rd man and do a “Freebird style” reign as Champions. Rosa looks hot. I might be gay, but I’d still like to jump her bones. She’s no Ivory (Lisa Moretti) though. Epico and Primo look really good as a team. Look really good period… lol. I’d be more than willing to jump both of their bones as well. I like me some Latino Spice! They’re gonna be champs for a while to come. Good match!

Who does Johnny Ace keep texting. It’s David Otunga. He’s a doorman. Chris Jericho is here and he’s in the main event tonight, teaming up with Punk and Daniel Bryan against Ziggler, Henry and Otunga. Jericho smiles, but still never says a word. Even not saying a word, Jericho is still the most exciting wrestler on RAW. Who will he double-cross tonight? I think it’ll be Punk and thus the Punk – Y2J storyline begins.

So far, the show has been okay. No sign of Cena or Kane yet though so I don’t expect it to last.

It’s Spin The Wheel and make the Deal at Smackdown on Friday. Leave the old WCW gimmicks where they belong – dead and buried. I would like to see a “Battle Bowl” show though. It could be fun.

Lawler says that the doctor’s say Ryder can’t wrestle. But here he and Eve are. Ryder is bandaged up and Eve is making excuses. Ryder refuses to forfeit title and he’s headed towards the ring. We see the Kane – Ryder crapola from last week. It was dumb then and it’s dumb now. Poor Zack to work so hard to get where he is and then get put in the middle of this Kane – Cena garbage. Everyone deserves better. All I can do as I watch this garbage is just keep wondering, “Are you serious, Bro!”. And the ratings start to falls as the people start changing channels.

If Kane shows up – we riot!

Why would Zack have to forfeit his title. He has a Dr’s note and there’s a every-thirty-day defense clause. So long as he is back within 30 days, he’s safe.

Jack Swagger is coming to the ring so we’re going to have a match and Zack can play the under-dog role. Whatever bro! We see CM Punk get a tainted win over Jack Swagger last week. Now Jack is facing Zack. Where is the cripple-boy? If the WWE and their stupid storylines don’t kill the character, Swagger is going to be a really big name for them one day. I’d love to see Swagger fight Kurt Angle. Both are awesome legit wrestlers and it’d be an amatuer exhibition for the ages. Kurt said on his twitter page that the WWE wants him back so maybe it’ll happen. Of course, Kurt also says that he’s going to fight MMA and go to the Olympics so who knows for sure?

Here comes Zack and he’s playing Adam to Eve’s Eve. It’s all Swagger showing a little bit of “swagger”. It’s All-American domination! Vickie is great at ringside with the taunts to Eve. Swagger wins and we have a new U.S. Champion. Congrats to Jack on a job well done. The Ryder character was just trashed! I hate to see Ryder lose so decisively, but if it had to happen, Swagger is a good one to take his spot. Zack needs to be repackaged and get rid of some of the goofiness. Maybe this will be the catalyst for making that happen.

I iwsh we’d see a William Regal match. I miss seeing him wrestle. Maybe we’ll luck out and he’ll be in the Royal Rumble and, dare I hope, win it? Foley and Regal at the end. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Ryder plays up the pain in the back and here comes Johnny Ace. Ryder wasn’t medically cleared. His bad! He apologizes. We have a guest announcer. OMG! It’s Perez Hilton! What the hell is he doing here? This is not going to be good! Big boos for Perez! He’s announcing the Divas. Fitting!

Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox (complete with dead animal on her shoulders) versus The Bellas. This should take about two minutes… tops! I think Perez is the biggest Diva in the ring. Perez gets involved in the match to stop cheating and Kelly wins in about a minute. Told you so! The Bellas shove Hilton down and the skanky ho’s come to his rescue. Sad segment!

We see the Smackdown segment where Big Show flattened AJ. Update on AJ later on, but it was stiff hit for the 80lb American Dragon ring-rat. Big Show played it great with the crocodile tears. Daniel Bryan will be here later with an update on AJ. Does anyone really care? I didn’t think so. I see Bryan with AJ and I keep thinking “pedophile”. Don’t know why! She reminds me of “Robin Green”, the innocent angel who eventually became “Woman”.

1992 Royal Rumble Highlights – Ric Flair wins the WWF Championship. Diamonds are forever and so is Ric Flair! Wooooooooo! WWE is definitely “Fair To Flair!”

Here comes R-Truth! How many “Little Jimmy’s” are in de’ house! And here comes Wade Barrett. This might be interesting. Wade is doing a great job of promoting The Royal Rumble. Truth is funny! “Don’t what me? Okay, what me!”…love it! Two plugs for Disney Land so far. Truth and Lil’ Jimmy have a slide-show. Funny stuff and great line about being PG! Miz attacks Truth and we get a two-on-one assault by Wade and Miz on Truth. Here comes Sheamus and the ring clears.

Here comes Teddy Long and he’s taking charge. It’s an Over-The-Top rope challenge with Truth versus Sheamus versus Miz versus Wade. Ring the bell. This is kind of cool! Does Wade wear a jockstrap? He needs to! He’s out of there first. R-Truth with some great gymnastics. Who would have ever thunk so? Miz looks like a horny-toad! If Sheamus and R-Truth were a tag team, we could call them “Oreo”. R-Truth wins. “What?”. He’s really coming along as a “good R-Truth”.

Johnny Ace is still texting. Here comes Cena to argue for his little buddy, Zack Ryder. We’re getting Jack Swagger versus John Cena for the U.S.title and the match is next. So Cena wins the title from Swagger and Ryder gets jealous. It’s so obvious. Let the build for Ryder versus Cena begin.

I just thought of something. Johnny Ace said no to Foley in the Rumble, but Teddy Long can still say yes. We’ll see Foley on Smackdown in a qualifying match to be in the Rumble. I betcha!

Why does Swagger have to wrestle twice against a fresh opponent and defend his title. It’s not fair! So we get Super-Cena going after the U.S. title. I predict a new champion in about three minutes or so. Cena attacks before the bell. He’s a bad John Cena! Cole complains and he’s right (as much as I hate to admit it!) Cena is ruthless and really kicking Swagger’s ass! Cena is embracing the hate! I’m actually enjoying this side of Cena. I wish we’d see it more often.

Here comes Kane. And the segment turns stupid. Kane is impressed. Whoop-dee-doo! At least they kept the Kane part short. We go to a commerical for the Royal Rumble match in two weeks. I’d be willing to bet that we’ll see Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who won the first Rumble twenty-five years ago, make an appearance at the event. He still wrestles and is still under a WWE Legend’s Contract so it’s pretty likely to happen. The Rumble always has a few “surprises” and old Hacksaw would be the logical one.

I don’t care what anyone says. I like the little “wee-wee-wee” piggy from the Geico commercials. He still makes me laugh.

It’s Funkasaurus Time. This is still a stupid gimmick, but Brodus Clay seems to be having fun. “Yo baby, yo baby Yo!” Brodus looks like a shaved gorilla. Somebody call his mama and tell her to spank that kid.

It’s JTG! I forgot that he was still in the WWE. “Money Money Yeah Yeah!” Brodus is calling out his moves. What? No trip to the pay window for JTG. Magilla Gorilla wins again. I hate this gimmick, but at least we now know that Disco isn’t really dead!

Back to Smackdown and AJ takes a bump. She missed her Girl Scout meetings because of this. Daniel Bryan has an update. I wish I had some egg rolls right now. I missed dinner and I’m getting hungry. Only about 35 minutes to go. Maybe we’ll have a Jamie Noble sighting? He worked the house show against Daniel Bryan this past weekend. Can we be so lucky? I’d love to see that happen. A Bryan versus Noble versus Punk triple-threat match would be a treasure and treat indeed. Hey Vince, am I giving you any ideas?

Bryan wrestles Mark Henry on Smackdown. Should be a good match. We get to see the Big Show run down AJ from this past week. None of these folks will win Academy Awards, but they’re trying. Good bump by AJ. I hope she gets a Diva title match out of this. Or at least gets to get “Funkalicious” with Brodus Clay…lol.

Here comes Daniel Bryan on the ramp. He trashes the Big Show for running over his 95lb lady-friend, AJ. AJ is traumatized. Bryan is really working this gradual heel turn as the pompous righteous jerk. I like Bryan like this. He’s dedicating the match against Henry to AJ. He appreciates AJ’s love and will show AJ how much on Smackdown. He’ll pull the ass-turn then.

It’s main event time.

This is a helluva way to have Jericho wrestle his first match back in the WWE. I love that jacket. I want one just like that one day to wear out to Champs! It would be awesome!

Jericho, Punk, Bryan, Ziggler, Henry and Otunga. Which one of these names just doesn’t belong? I wish Jennifer Hudson would call and tell her baby-daddy that he needs to quit playing wrestler and come home. What’s really sad is that Otunga made his name as part of a tag team with Curt Hennig’s son – and Otunga is the one being used on TV and viewed as the breakout star. That’s just not right at all.

They should have Ricardo Rodriguez come out and be the announcer for all of the matches until Alberto Del Rio returns.

Jericho is still celebrating with the fans as we come back from commerical. Funny stuff. Here comes CM Punk to the ring. This should really be a fun match.
Bad flub by Bryan in the ring with the missed leapfrog. Otunga has a great body, but damn he sucks in the ring. He’s the “Mongo McMichael” of the WWE, but without the charisma or personality. I doubt that Jericho will ever tag in for this match. I don’t think Henry will do much either. He’s still working with a torn groin muscle. He might tag in but he won’t do very much.

“Macho Man” would be so proud of Cena and that elbow. Jericho tags in, plays to crowd and tags out to Bryan without doing anything. Jericho leaves as Bryan looks like an idiot and they go to commercial. I love it! This is awesome Jericho in action. Another week and no talking and pissing off / confusing everyone. He probably won’t talk on TV until after the Rumble. If the WWE is smart (yeah, right) he won’t. I’m proud to be a Jericholic right now. And damn any twelve-step program or support groups.

Bryan plays a chicken-shit so well and leads Henry away from the match. So it’s one on two. Foley is up on the apron and he’s in the match. He’s Punk’s partner. This is getting weird and actually interesting. Foley and The Punkster – it’s almost a dejavu moment. Damn, Foley has a big ass! “Sweet Shin Music” and a DDT! It’s Mr. Socko time. Foley wins!!

Johnny Ace time! I hope Foley makes Ace eat that sock. Ace reverses the decision and Otunga, Henry and Ziggler win. Punk is in Ace’s face. It’s the return of “The Pipe Bomb!” I’m liking this promo big time!

That was the best ending to RAW in quite a while. Punk goes off and unloads on Ace. Ace goes off and nails Foley with the microphone. That was probably the best promo of Ace’s career and Punk was excellent as always. And for taking that shot, I’ve forgiven Foley for the entire “This Is Your Life” segment from a couple of months ago. The slow moved along rather slowly at first, but the Kane crapola was kept to a minimum and the final segment was awesome!! RAW is finally on the right track again and this turned out to be an excellent show. Well done WWE! Well done!

And now here’s the other stuff. This was originally written on Saturday…

One On One…

As most of my regular readers know, every so often I do a piece in the wrestling columns called “One On One” where I like to match up stars from the past against stars of today and attempt to analyze and figure out who would win in each prospective match-up. Well, I was thinking and decided that since the Horseman have been (rightfully) chosen to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2012, I’ll do an “All Horseman” edition of this segment. And not just the five members of wrestling’s most elite super-group that are being inducted, but ALL of the men who proudly wore that Horseman banner (and no Jeff Jarrett – that doesn’t include you. Arn said you were never a Horseman and I have to listen to Double-A.). So I’ve gone down the list of The Horsemen and we’re going to match them up against the top stars of the WWE, as indicated by the WWE Power 25 for the period ending January 7, 2012 (courtesy of WWE.com). We’ll have both singles and tag matches. The WWE stars are in the order they’re ranked. The Horsemen are in the order I decided to list them. (My column – my perrogative). Let’s do this.

Ric Flair w/ J.J. Dillon versus Daniel Bryan

Ric Flair from the late 80’s / early 90’s against the man once known as “The American Dragon”, but now known as the World Champion. This would be a classic match of move versus move that could easily rival the Flair – Steamboat matches of the 80’s. Flair (surprisingly) has the size & strength advantage, while the edge in speed and science would go to Bryan. Both men could easily go sixty or ninety minutes so stamina wouldn’t be much of a game changer for this match. I think, the deciding factor would be the man on the outside, the infamous J.J. Dillon. When it came to that subtle interference (and sometimes not so subtle), few are better than Dillon. So look for a back and forth match with quite a few two-counts on both men’s behalf and finally, we get a trip on Bryan from the outside by Dillon. Bryan is distracted and goes after J.J., who tosses his shoe to Flair during the confusion. Flair slams Bryan across the head with the shoe before tossing it out of the ring and covers Bryan to get the pin.

Winner: Ric Flair

Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard w/ J.J. Dillon versus Dolph Ziggler & The Big Show w/ Vickie Guerrero

I’m not sure how Dolph and Big Show would do as a team, but they were the # 2 and # 3 men ranked in the WWE Power 25 so that’s what we ended up with. We’d see Tully and Arn trying to break the ring in half and keep Ziggler on their side of the ring away from the Big Show and pretty much working over Dolph with the double-team. Dolph is bigger than Tully or Arn though and faster and would escape to tag out to the monster, Big Show. I could see Show in there working over Double-A and then he tags out to Ziggler to finish off “The Enforcer”. Tully signals to J.J. Dillon, who goes after Vickie Guerrero on the outside. Big Show drops from the ring apron to go protect Vickie from Dillion and Tully, seizing the opportunity, interferes with a cheap shot from behind on Dolph. Tully tags in and hits the “Hot Shot” on Dolph and then a tag back out to Arn who scores with the DDT and a pin while Tully prevents Big Show from getting into the ring in time to break up the pin.

Winners: Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard w/ J. J. Dillon.

Ole Anderson versus CM Punk

This would be an awesome match to see because Ole, in his prime, was a legitimate shooter in the ring. He could outwrestle anyone and match move for move against the best. Plus Ole is strong as an ox and just a mean-ass guy. Punk is a great wrestler with a lot of moves and a mean streak of his own. He’s a bit lacking in the size department, but would have the stanima edge over Ole, who preferred tag team wrestling to singles action. In a legit fight, back in the day, Ole would beat Punk’s ass! I have no doubts about that, BUT in the ring, I think the advantage of Punk’s martial arts kicks and vast array of moves would give him the edge. It’d be a brutal match for the ages, but I think CM Punk would end up getting the nod at the end with his arm raised in victory.

Winner: CM Punk

Lex Luger & Barry Windham versus Sheamus & Kane

Luger and Windham were a great team. Sheamus and Kane could be a good team if the WWE ever decides to go that route. Both have the size and power and are faster than one would suspect. This would be a stiff and brutal match, but I think the advantage would go to Barry and Lex because while Kane & Sheamus are both muscle guys who can wrestle a little bit, with the Luger / Windham team, you have a power guy and a wrestler. Lex is primarily a power guy who can wrestle, just like Sheamus and Kane. But Barry is first and foremost a great wrestler, who just happens to have some size to him as well. The match would be lots of pounding and grounding by all four men, but in the end, it would be a little subtle sneakiness with Windham using a small-package on Kane to get the win for his team.

Winners: Lex Luger & Barry Windham

Sid Vicious versus John Cena

Sid has the size advantage and is actually a better wrestler (sort of) than Cena and might even be stronger as well. Cena is far better on the mic (although that doesn’t matter in the ring). Sid also has the intensity factor going for him but he tends to lose focus and gets distracted. That’s where Cena has the advantage. He rarely loses focus in the ring and doesn’t know the meaning of how to back up or slow down. He’s all go-go-going forward. And this would be a better match than most would expect. Although Sid would dominate most of the match, in the end, Cena would walk out the victor with his infamous “five moves”…

Winner: John Cena

Sting versus Zack Ryder w/ Eve Torres

As much as I am a fan of Zack Ryder’s, a match with him and Sting wouldn’t even be a close contest. Zack would get some moves in, but Sting would control the match and the flow and the ending would be his whenever he was ready. Scorpion Deathlock and the tap out. Sting wins.

Winner: Sting

Chris Benoit & Flyin’ Brian Pillman w/ Woman versus Wade Barrett & Cody Rhodes

This would be another great match that I’d love to see, but unfortunately, Benoit, Pillman and Woman are all no longer with us and I can only speculate and dream. All four men are great talents in the ring and while the size would be with Wade & Cody, the ruthlessness and intensity would be on the side of the Horseman team. It would be brutality at it’s best and neither team would be able to totally overwhelm the other. I think the deciding factor would be Woman at ringside, ripping at clawing at the eyes of Cody, setting him up for a series of suplexes by Benoit and a crossbody and pin by Pillman. By hook or by crook- the Horsemen win.

Winners: Chris Benoit & Flyin’ Brian Pillman w/ Woman

Steve “Mongo” McMichael & Dean Malenko w/ Arn Anderson versus R-Truth & Chris Jericho

Mongo was a wild and crazy guy and a former Super Bowl champion, but he sucked as a wrestler. Malenko is a fantastic wrestler, but he lacks the size to really compete against most opponents. This would be a good match for a while, mainly due to the great chemistry between Malenko and Jericho who had one of WCW’s best feuds in the mid-nineties. But sooner or later, Mongo and Truth would get into the ring and it would become slightly less stellar. In the end, Jericho and Truth would walk out the victors and take that trip to the pay window.

Winners: R-Truth and Chris Jericho

Paul Roma versus The Miz

Roma should never have been a Horseman. Miz is awesome. Miz wins! End of story!

Winner: The Miz

Curt Hennig versus Hunico

Hennig is a former AWA World Heavyweight Champion, a former United States and Intercontinental Champion. He’s a true legend who definitely lived up to his former monicker, “Mr. Perfect”. And while Hunico is a great talent in the ring and impressed a good many people during his run as the evil Sin Cara in the WWE, he’s not quite in Hennig’s league as of yet. It’d be a fun match to watch and could even be a potential show-stealing match, but the outcome isn’t really in any doubt. Perfect-plex by Curt and the easy pin.

Winner: Curt Hennig

So there you go. The Horsemen win the series (6-4) proving once and for all that “diamonds are forever and so are the Horsemen! Woooooooooo!”

And that’s it for me today. I’ll be back in a few days along with my tag-team partner, “The Big Bad” Russell Jackson with a new edition of “Tossing Salt presents: Wrestling Fact Or Fiction”, so look for that. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Also, go visit my blog-site for all things Dougie-Fresh at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com. It’s more fun than a Volkswagen full of gerbils. It’s true! I’m Doug and I’m out of here for now. Have a great week and thank you for your support.

Ubuntu!

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