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Tossing Salt – Worldwide News: January 7, 2011

January 8, 2012   ·   0 Comments

Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
January 7, 2012
Doug MaynardHappy New Year! It’s me (Doug) and we’re excited here at “Tossing Salt Media, Inc.” Not only is pro wrestling’s most eclectic column, “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News” now entering it’s ninth year, which is almost unpredecented in the world of internet wrestling journalism (whatever that is), but also our other column, “Tossing Salt Presents Wrestling Fact Or Fiction”, featuring myself and the man, the myth, the legend, the man who even Fonzie calls cool, Russell Jackson, is a big time hit! You like us! You really like us! So good times are running rampant here at “TSM”. And I haven’t even had to get drunk yet. Well, not much anyhow.

And to celebrate all the good times and glee, I’m going to act like a gay teenager and shout out the biggest catch-phrase of the seventies, “DYN-O-MITE!”…lol. Whew! I’m glad I got that out of my system. Now let’s move on to today’s column. I watched TNA Impact Wrestling last night. Yeah, I know. It was hard for me too. But I wanted to be fair and opened minded towards the Orlando-based company. I give them a hard time as compared to the WWE because basically, despite having all that great talent on the roster, when compared to the WWE, TNA sucks!

But I am nothing if not fair. Every so often, I try to watch and listen and learn and check in to see if things are getting any better. I did that last night and I have to admit that despite some goofiness and slight head scratching on my part, it was a good show. Lots of wrestling and the backstage segments actually made sense (for a change). So in honor of what I hope will be a regular thing, I’ve decided that for my first column of 2012 (aside from the “Fact or Fiction” column we posted earlier today and my political blogs), it’s going to be all TNA. I may make an occasional smart-ass remark in regards to the WWE along the way, as I’m prone to do, but it’s all about TNA today and making the biggest Impact!

So what’s on the agenda? I want to do a cliffnote version review of TNA Impact Wrestling from last night on Spike TV. I’ve got predictions for the big pay per view coming up on Sunday night, TNA Genesis. I’ve got a new “Casting Call” segment with the superstars of TNA Impact Wrestling being cast as the power players in U.S. Politics as the persons seeking the Republican Nomination for President of the United States. And I’ve got a few thoughts and comments about a rumor making it’s way around the wrestling world about a possible big name departure. This column is more packed than Charlie Sheen’s nose on a weekend binge. Let’s do this…

RVD Leaving???

The rumors have started to fly that former WWE, TNA and ECW Champion Rob Van Dam, who’s contract with TNA expires in March, is giving serious consideration about jumping ship to the WWE. And my thoughts on the matter are so what? He hasn’t been a factor or force in TNA for quite a while and I even noted a few months ago after watching a match between RVD and Christopher Daniels that RVD just seems be going through the motions as of late. The matches he’s been having aren’t bad at all, but there just doesn’t seem to be any enthusiasm by RVD. And that’s not a good thing at all. If RVD is just there to collect a paycheck, TNA really doesn’t need him. There are several younger and fresher talents, like Zema Ion, Jesse Sorenson, Austin Aries, etc., who are more than ready to step up and take that spot.

And at this point, the WWE might be where RVD needs to be. One of his best friends in the business, Booker T, has already made a successful return to the company and you know that the WWE would love to have Rob back. I’m sure that a schedule to accomodate Rob, much like has been done with Chris Jericho and Kevin Nash, wouldn’t be hard to work out to everyone’s benefit and the WWE might be the right place to light the fire back up for Van Dam. It’s hard to stay motivated when nobody ever see’s you wrestle, but in the WWE, RVD would be a special attraction and no matter his spot on the roster, people would stand up and take notice.

I don’t know if the rumors are true and if RVD is even seriously considering another WWE run, but for money, for recognition, and for high-profile matches where he really strut his stuff and show why he’s considered to be one of the best in the world, the WWE is the place he needs to be. Just picture in your mind a feud with RVD versus CM Punk? Mr. 4:20 taking on Mr. Straight Edge. Just the promos alone would be major $$$$. Not to mention feuds with Jericho, Cena (if Cena wins, we riot), Wade Barrett, Sheamus, The Miz, etc. And if none of that works, tag teaming with Booker T, Kofi Kingston or Zack Ryder. The WWE is the place for RVD where the most opportunities are available and I hope he keeps all of that in mind. Let’s lose the “by the numbers” RVD that’s been hanging out in Orlando and let’s bring back the “Whole F’ng Show” that we all remember so well. And that means a return to the WWE later this year. I hope it happens.

The Cliffnote Review: TNA Impact Wrestling!

As I mentioned earlier, I watched TNA Impact Wrestling last night on Spike TV. Time for a recap of all the action and excitement.

Sting calls out Jeff Hardy and shows some bromance. Bobby Roode, Bully Ray and Mr. Olympic Gold Medal object. James Storm and Abyss come out. Abyss drinks a beer. Sting makes a six man main event. Madison Rayne rough-houses in the pool with Traci Brooks. Gail Kim too and they do some dunking. The Knockouts wrestle for the tag title. Gail and Madison show dee-feet to Madison and Mickie. Ric Flair inspires Gunner by plotting RVDicide. Sting ruins their fun because Flair has to stay in the back. Gunner threatens destruction. Eric Young is in love with ODB. Why? Magnus & Samoa Joe are best buds. So are AJ Styles and Kazarian. Sting likes Garrett Bischoff and gives him boots. “You a ‘rassler now, Eric!”. Gunner and RVD fight. RVD gets caught in ring apron. Ouch! Gunner tries for murder. We get Al(vin),Simon (Diamond) and Theodore (as portrayed by D-Lo) down to break up things. Double-count out and no one died. Storm, Hardy and Abyss aren’t scared of anything. Kurt, Roode and Bully Ray threaten mayhem. Ray plugs house show and threatens to smoke RVD. Kid Kash and Austin Aries are solid team, but lose to “Football Hero” Jesse Sorenson and “Cough Syrup Tasting Malty Beverage” Zema Ion. I like Ion. He’s cocky! AJ and Kazarian are headed towards the ring. We see a “Fallen Angel!” Eric Young and ODB make out. That’s nasty! Joe and Magnus are headed towards the tag titles after Kazarian’s fallen guardian angel makes an appearance and AJ gets distracted and killed like a bitch by Samoa Joe. A brawl as the tag champs and the new contenders face off. The main event six man fiasco takes place and the bad guys dominate in the end after the match is thrown out by the referee. And the shows ends as we’re reminded about the pay per view on Sunday and TNA Genesis.

And that’s how a recap should be. Quick, precise and to the point. I love doing this stuff. Let’s move on. What’s next?

TNA Casting Call: The TNA Superstars As The GOP Presidential Contenders…

I’m not sure how many wrestling fans are following the political scene in the U.S. with the numerous men and women fighting it out to be the nominee for the Republican Party and be able to compete against U.S. President Barack Obama in November of next year, but it’s something I am following very, very closely. I love politics (almost as much as I love wrestling) and have actually done several blogs about the candidiates and their standing in the current race. (These blogs can be read at my blogsite, the home of all things Dougie, at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com, if you’re interested.)

Well, I’ve decided to combine my two passions and do a quick casting call piece. Let’s just assume that a movie was being made about the 2012 Republican Party and the people who would be President (and) let’s assume that TNA was given the option to cast all of the major roles with TNA Superstars. Who would be cast in each role? That’s what I’m here to determine. By the way, the opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone and not the opinions of Wrestle-Zone UK or anyone else so if anyone takes offense at my somewhat jaded comments, blame me. Just saying. So let’s do this…Mitt Romney – Sting: There is a resemblence between the two. Both are tall and slim with chiseled looks and both have an aura of authority. Both look like leaders. But unfortunately, that’s where the resemblence ends. Sting has charisma and energy while Mitt looks like a poster child for… well, he just looks like a poster. BORING! Sting could tone it down a bit and play the role of the former MA Governor though. It’s showtime folks!

Rick Perry – Eric Young: The only reason I picked Eric to play the Texas Governor is that they’re both crazy as bat-poop. And I personally think they’re both gay too, not that it matters to me. Hell, I wish they were. It might even give me a reason to like either of them then.

Ron Paul – Ric Flair: Two crazy old men with fanatical followings that I have a lot of respect for, but the thought of either of them in actual power scares the hell out of me.

Michele Bachmann – Madison Rayne: Bachmann is a terrible speaker with a whining voice that rips through your ears and sends tremors down the spine (and not in a good way). Rayne has that “whine” down pat and despite being incredibly sexy, is also very annoying. A perfect fit.

Newt Gingrich – Eric Bischoff: Let me clarify here that I actually like Newt and think that, along with Jon Huntsman, he’s probably the man who would make the best President for our country. But just because I like him doesn’t mean that he gets spared. To play the role of the former Speaker Of The House, I wanted someone with a long history, a bit of a mean streak, a long list of accomplishments that seem to get overshadowed by the personal baggage and arrogance that they seem to constantly put forth. And since I couldn’t find anyone with a physical resemblence to the former Speaker (the Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man wasn’t available), I decided to go with the man with the most similar background and history. And no one else in TNA has a history closer to Newt’s than Eric Bischoff.

Rick Santorum – Jesse Sorenson: They both look to be about fifteen years old so that’s why I picked Sorenson. Strictly on the physical resemblance because I seriously doubt that Sorenson is as bigoted, racist, homophobic or hypocritical as the former PA Senator. Few people can be.

Jon Huntsman – Jeff Jarrett: I picked Double-J to portray the former Utah Governor and former Ambassador to China simply because it’s not fair to do a TNA “Casting Call” without using Jeff Jarrett and also because they’re both family people who are often overlooked and underestimated by their detractors, no matter how unfair or wrong it may be.

Sarah Palin – Dafney: She’s not running for anything, but people still talk about this brain-dead, former beauty queen. So I decided to include her and who would be better to portray her than Shannon Ward aka “Daffney”, aka “The Governor”. She did it before and would be the definite first choice to do it again.

Chris Christie – Samoa Joe: They’re both big, huge men with attitude and nobody in their right mind will screw with them. Put Joe in a suit and he could look like a native New Jersey resident. Yeah, sure he can. But I couldn’t think of any other TNA star that has the size and stature to portray the New Jersey Governor. And besides, Joe kills bitches dead! ‘Nuff said!

So there you go. If TNA ever decides to get into the movie business and makes a movie about the 2012 political scene here in the U.S. and more specifically, the race for the Republican Nomination for Candidiate for President of the United States, that’s who should be cast for each major role. I have spoken so make it so. Let’s move on.

TNA Genesis Pay Per View Predictions

Coming up on Sunday night is the lastest pay per view offering by the fine folks of Total Non-Stop Action Impact Wrestling. And a pay per view means predictions. So I’ll put on my “Sister Cleo” outfit and break out the crystal ball. Let’s do this…

TNA World Championship Match
Bobby Roode (c) versus Jeff Hardy

Jef Hardy does not belong in the main event of this pay per view and definitely does not deserve to be the World Champion. I’m all about second chances and by all reports, Jeff is walking the line and staying on the straight and narrow, but he screwed up big time and he has to pay his dues and earn his spot back at the top of the TNA roster. So far, he’s on the right track, but he still has a ways to go in my opinion. Plus, so far it doesn’t seem to me that Roode has really had a chance to prove himself and make his impact as the TNA Champion. I think that Roode retains after a grueling match and this feud continues for several more months to come.

Winner and STILL TNA Impact World Champion: Bobby Roode

Kurt Angle versus James Storm

This one should be pretty good and could easily go either way without either man being hurt by a loss. I think that Storm has the momentum (and Angle has to take some time off to try out for the Olympics – just ask him. He’ll tell you!) Storm needs to get away from this Angle feud and back into the World Championship picture. I think he’ll take the win here and Kurt Angle will be hearing those famous words, “Sorry about your damn luck!”

Winner: “The Cowboy” James Storm

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match
Matt Morgan & Crimson (c) versus Samoa Joe & Magnus

New team with their first shot at the tag titles? I think this feud with four of TNA’s bigget guys has some legs on it and is going to last a while. So no title change yet. It’ll happen, but not in the first defense.

Winners and STILL Champions: Matt Morgan & Crimson

Pope Dinero versus Devon

Devon is the good guy. He wants to get his kids back. The kids like the Pope better. They turn on daddy and this feud that no one cares about continues.

Winner: Pope Dinero

Monster’s Ball Match – If Abyss Loses, He Must Rejoin Immortal
Bully Ray versus Abyss

Immortal is falling apart and since Hogan / Bischoff have vanished, have really lost their luster and magic. I think the empire continues to crumble as the recruitment effort fails and Bully Ray takes a big time bully-beatodwn at the hands of the monster.

Winner: Abyss

TNA X-Division Championship Match
Austin Aries versus Kid Kash versus Jesse Sorensen versus Zema Ion

I’d love to see Ion win. That kid impresses me a great deal (and he’s a sexy beast too!) Kash would be great to see win as well because it would totally reverse the logistics of the Kash – Aries relationship and could make for some great TV. Aries is doing an awesome job as the TNA X-Divsion Champion. The only one I can not seeing an upside to having win the title at this point and time is Sorensen. So naturally, that means he wins by pinning Cash. And Aries is NOT a happy camper.

Winner and NEW TNA X-Division Champion: Jesse Sorensen

TNA Knockouts Championship Match
Gail Kim (c) versus Mickie James

Gail wins and Mickie eats de’feet! ‘Nuff said!

Winner and STILL TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim

Gunner (with Ric Flair) versus Rob Van Dam

RVD is ready to leave TNA and move on with his career elsewhere (in my opinion anyhow). Gunner is the resident hot child in the city and I think will be moving soon into a feud with Garrett Bischoff. So expect RVD to fly around a while, expect Flair to style, profile and be a crazy man. Expect some Garrett interference. And expect Gunner to be the man to walk out with his arm raised in victory.

Winner: Gunner

And there you go. It should be a good show with plenty of action if this past week’s episode of Impact was any indication. So check it out on Sunday night. It should be fun.

And I guess that’s all for today. I had a few more things I wanted to get in here, but time is a thief and seems to have vanished into the night, so I’ll let the other stuff slide until my next urge to ramble, rant and rock the Kazbah! Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. And for all things Dougie, go visit my blogsite atwww.tsfiction.blogspot.com.

Until the next time, stay safe. ‘Dat is all de’ people need to know. I’m Doug and I am out of here.

Ubuntu!

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