TNA iMPACT! opened to it’s usual and accidental homage to WWF Raw circa 1999. Fireworks and quick cuts galore, Kevin Dunn would be proud.

It wasn’t long before Brutus Magnus made his way to the ring before a fairly rammed iMPACT! Zone, Orlando Florida. He was greeted by well received Brother Bubba who treated the ringside audience to a bit of typically badly shot in-crowd brawling.

Tables were but moments away.

Oh but wait, says TNA, botched interference ensues, followed by some Dudley high-fiving and pointless strolling about. Two minutes well spent?

Bearded, belt adorning Kurt Angle worked the microphone and explained the whole Samoa Joe angle, for those of us that either missed the PPV or just simply avoided it. In fairness to the segment, Angle displayed a good level of timing with his Heelish mic-work.

Foley was soon with us, wearing a look of the disgruntled veteran. Foley, who found himself the centre of audible chants to the tune of his name, pushed a rematch with Angle, as Scott Steiner et al stared into the conversation like a group of shameless voyeurs. Mick Foley was informed, less than politely, that he was somewhat of a joke, in essence, by KT. The New York Times bestseller reacted well, much to the delight of the fans. Kurt then seemed to ask Foley for a backstage date of some kind that Foley might have replied to if it were not for the rudely interrupting Main Event Mafia theme music blaring in.

Before the break, a bitter AJ Styles wandered around backstage trying out his best annoyed expression in search of Samoa Joe. Joe, of course, had just moments ago stood around with the Main Event Mafia, hanging on every word uttered by the Olympic Hero.

Mike Tenay and Don West set out the show’s schedule for us, but not before whining about waiting for a phone-call they were waiting for from Jeff Jarrett like a pair of cuckolded teenagers.

“The Monster” Abyss, affectionately known to most TNA fans as Abyss-mal, was bested in his match (yes, now and again wrestling happens in that arena) by Kevin Nash thanks to Stevie Richards’ shock treatment. Nash, was once again successful in his sacred quest to work matches without coming close to taking a bump. This made Abyss look even poorer than he actually is.

TNA’s most popular tag outfit, Beer Money Inc, were cut short in their promo by Booker T and Scott Steiner. Booker’s choice of accent for this week of iMPACT! was a sort of 80’s urban New Yorker. This is of course a shot-in-the-dark of a guess, as I couldn’t understand a word he said. Something, perhaps body language, told me that the pair was after tag-team title shots.

Team 3D came out and Bubba concurred with my complaint that Booker T was unintelligible. It appeared that Team 3D was after some tag team gold again too.

The segments with TNA ringers talking about themselves, or rallying off answers to questions that are seemingly plastically are somehow utterly watchable. That Dixie and staff allow their talent to cite the likes of Shawn Michaels and other classic WWE-ers who have never worked for TNA is a credit to the organization… really quite refreshing.

Daffney worked an acceptable but short match with Taylor Wilde. Her offence was at times stiffer than many of the front row TNA faithful who weren’t particularly bothered by the lack of length to the match. Perhaps it’s a concept they’re used to.

In the end, Daffney took the thumbtack bump again. She seems to enjoy lying on a bed of nails of late.

How Mick Foley gets a bad wrap for his promos these days is well and truly beyond me. His backstage chat with Bubba and D-Von was well crafted, funny and served a purpose. Team 3D were on good form too, accepting a match booked for next week against Booker and Scott.

In between some press ups, Steiner then managed a pretty OKish bout with Robert Roode who was eventually bested by Big Poppa Pump at the hands of a backslide, before Booker T found himself DQed in his corresponding fixture against James Storm. Booker then proceeded to whisper sweet nothings in Storm’s ear.

A match at Victory Road looks to be brewing nicely.

AJ Styles cam out to a good pop and called out Samoa Joe to force fans to speculate on a certain Who that might be showing up at Victory Road. Anyone who doesn’t smell Taz(z) at this point clearly lacks said sense.

After the upper card roster spilled into the ring, Sting came out to an impressive ovation.

The show closed with the Main Event Mafia assaulting a genuinely over Sting.

More iMPACT! Regurgitations next week.

Wyn Preston.