Down for the count
Link: http://video1.washingtontimes.com/joecurl/2008/04/down_for_the_count_1.html

Just after President Bush appeared last night on "Deal or No Deal," and just before Sen. Barack Obama did a guest spot on "The Daily Show," all three presidential candidates took to the mats of the WWE.

On the World Wrestling Entertainment show, candidate impersonators faced off in a fictitious match that included body slams and something called the "Samoan Spike."

The segment opened with the real Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton calling herself "Hil-Rod," and then Obama made an inside joke, saying, "Do you smell what I'm cooking." Both appeared via taped message.

Onto the screen popped Sen. John McCain. "Looks like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton want to settle their differences in the ring," he said with mock fierceness (although he looked more like Popeye the Sailorman). "Well, that's fine with me, but lemme tell ya', if you wanna' be the man, you gotta' beat the man. Come November, it'll be game over. Whucha' gonna' do when John McCain and all his McCainiacs run wild on ya'?"

The show then cut to a mock wrestling match featuring the impostors. Hillary, in a gray pantsuit, and husband Bill entered to fanfare, then the fake Hillary took the mic and said: "Whether you're a mover or a shaker, Amish or Quaker, when it comes to change, whutcha' gonna' do? Whutcha' gonna' do when Hillary Clinton and her superdelegates run wild on you?"

More fanfare and out came a fake Obama -- with huge fake ears.

They squared off in the ring. Hillary started with a kick to the crotch, then hoisted Barack up and body slammed him to the mat (she followed with, of course, a leg drop). She went for the pin but he kicked out just at the count of three (who woulda' guessed that?) Meanwhile, Bill complained to the ref from outside the ring.

Barack came back with a knee to the gut, then he grasped Hillary around the neck ("Don't let him do that to you baby!" yelled Bill) and used a new move -- the "BarackBottom" -- to slam her down onto her ample rear end. As Barack bounced off the ropes for momementum, Bill appeared to punch him in, yes, again, the crotch. But he defended himself: "I did not have illegal contact with that candidate," he said.

The ref started counting BOTH of them out. "Three, four, five," then ... "Wait a minute," the announcer said as music started to blare.

Then an enormous wrestler with a huge face tattoo emerged (sorry, we don't know ALL their names, but we think it's Umaga aka Eddie Fatu) and grabbed Barack by the scruff of the neck. He poked one thumb out and jammed it into Barack's throat with what an announcer called "The Samoan Spike." Just when Bill thought the angry Samoan was a Hillary fan, the wrestler grabbed her (Bill fled up the ramp and out of the stadium), threw her onto his shoulders and pile-drived her into the ground (it actually looked really painful). They both laid there, motionless.

"Hopefully that won't happen in Pennsylvania tomorrow," the announcer said.

You'll find it all at wwe.com.

- Joseph Curl, senior White House correspondent, The Washington Times

Credit: A1 Wrestling Newsletter